19 2 2
A CENTRAL PARK WEST SCANDAL!
MAE W E S 7
"FORTY-FIVE MINUTES FROM BROADWAY
— ON THE MERRICK ROAD"
(PALAIS ROYAL MANAGEMENT)
VALLEY STREAM, L. I.
"For Discriminating People"
EDWARD ELKINS' ORCHESTRA
(No Couvert Charge at Dinner)
THE INSTANT BEAUTIFIER
MILLIONS of girls and women use it in preference to face
powders or other beautifiers, because it's absolutely harmless,
and "stays on." When you use Derwillo you can leave your
"powder puff" at home. Not necessary to keep "touching up" all
the time to keep your nose and face from shining. Perspiration does
not affect it, and it will not rub off on clothing. It's famous for the
instant beauty it imparts. Manufactured in 3 shades: flesh, white and
brunette. The following are a few of the actresses who recommend it:
Milzi, Dorothy Dalton, Louise Glaum, Viola Dana, Ruth Roland,
Louise Huff, Anna Q. Nillson, Florence Eldridge. Vola Vale, Bessie
Love. Mabel Julienne Scott, Alice Lake, Carmel Myers, Colleen
Moore. Enid Bennett. Clara Horton, Priscilla Dean, Mildred Davis,
Patsy Ruth Miller, Miss Du Pont, Eileen Sedgewick, and Edna Morn.
Note: — Before applying Derwillo cleanse your face with Lisl(a jjj
cold cream and you mill have a complexion as soft as velvet and £J
as beautiful as a rose. Both are sold at toilet counters everywhere, (j;
5^5^5^S^5H5^S^5HS^SHS^5^SHSH5ESH5BSHSH5^ : H5HSH5^SHSHSE5?SE5^5^5HS^SH5H5S. rl
Broadway Brevities 1
A beautifully appointed
all-year- round resort
but 45 min. from B'way.
At CITY ISLAND, N. Y.
A Rendezvous for Broadway ites
on an ideal floor
A Live Bull Puppy Awarded in
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2 Broadivay Brevities
A Bit of Atlantic City on Broadway!
including Colelta Ryan, Kitty Kelly, Lovey Lee,
Bennett Twins and the Hollywood Bathing Vamps
BROADWAY at 48th STREET
> <" ! "♦ « .| »>M». »- > .. < . < - t .. t . . | . , < - > - > - t w<M t M >- t . . > .. t . . < ,. > .. t . . > . > , f.^. t -». « . .»..>i .| ..t ..| -f»" >-> " t - < t"<»»" »" »" l " *
Always the brightest spot in Town
in 44th Street Theatre Building
A Unique After-Theatre and Supper Club.
Unsurpassed Cuisine and a Most Excellent
Dance Orchestra in Ultra-Refined Surroundings.
Jos. Raymond's Original Little Club Orch.
Dancing from 9.30 till Closing
Phone Bryant 827— "ASK FOR VAL"
Broadway Brevities 3
Vol. 1. August, 1922. No. 14
R E V I T I E S inc
Published by BREVITIES, Inc.
:n G. Clow, Presdt. Janice Clow
O'Connell, Vice-Pres. Secy. & Treas.
Knickerbocker Theatre Bldg. 1400 Broadway
Issued Monthly on the 22d, inst.
BY HOPATCONG'S PLEASANT
Don't tell a soul about it, for we do
not want it to go any farther, but on
a recent week-end at Lake Hopatcong
we ran across the cutest little trick in
the form of a full-fledged gambling joint
you could find in four states. It's right
by the placid waters of the Lake, in a
picturesque old house said to have been
owned at one time by Lotta Crabtree.
(A lady guide in the party comically
called her Lotta Crabapple — such is
fame!) Well, if you have a few idle
hours on your hands up there, after
stacking your Ford, snoop round the
Lake near the Alamac, and have a try
at the roulette wheel. After you're
cleaned you can relax by inspecting the
rare, old carved mantel Lotta brought
from the Orient, or the ancient oils hung
in the foyer. Following this you can
find out how much Mons. Latz will allow
you as a temporary loan on your Lizzie.
Passing through Dover, N. J. you read
a funny sign : "Drive slow and see our
town. Drive fast and see our Jail."
With Ralph Farnum at the wheel bets
are on the Jail.
All the way to Lake H. you notice
the biggest-advertised act on any "time."
It's Polarine, probably a single. .. .You
learn from a sign-post outside of Morris-
town that Newfoundland is "only 24
miles." "Cook's Restaurant" near
Caldwell is self-explanatory. .. .Matthew
Arnold was asked what was the one
thing he remembered best from a trip
to America. He said. "Two horses, at-
tached to an ice-sled on Lake Erie, with
their heads turned half round.". .. .Our
gem from the Lake H. trip was a Collie
dog standing on the running board of a
big Packard, which his master was pro-
jecting at about 50 miles the hour.
On the Jersey City Boulevard we saw
Old Man Campbell's Mausoleum, back
of it what looked like an English castle,
said to be the crematory. It was an
inspiriting start for a 53 mile dash. Oh,
THE LADIES JACKSON AND
What ever did become of old Mrs.
Jackson who started to pull Claire Elias
into court this spring — and why was the
case dropped? Mrs. Jackson kept lodg-
ings at Long Beach last summer, and it
is said that the sweet and beautiful mil-
liner alleged she had lost some clothing
and a bunch of "fish" at said habitation.
The Elias person is always "losing"
something. She's the biggest laugh
Broadway has. Some day we'll tell you
why, with complete details.
* * *
Kitty Doner, the well-known Keith
headliner, is vacationing in Europe after
a successful season.
* * *
Is it true that Dotty King stayed up
all night waiting for a letter from Nan-
tucket. Mass.? But why should anyone
lose sleep for a letter from a place like
* * *
YET YOU WONDER WHY
AMERICA LEADS IN PARESIS!
A press agent, the other day, sent out
on behalf of Irene Franklin a story that
Irene came home recently and found a
terrible state of affairs. Her little
daughter, Elizabeth, was yowling: "Mum-
ma. there isn't a single piece of candy
in this house." Irene hurried to a candy
store to relieve the situation. For this
boy, all together, the enamelled phial of
4 Broadway Brevities
,r . A fetching pose of the truly great singing and dancing artiste
IVllSS who has made "Ty-Tce" a part of her fame. To that lovely
G.jj air she has imparted a bewitching thrill of romance. We've
I Ida gone a hundred times to Gilbert Boag's DEAUVILLE BATH-
s~i 1NG BEACH at midnight to hear it. Gilda appears this year
Kjray not only at DEAUVILLE, but in the new " Follies." and in
the "Follies" she has no peer.
Broadway Brevities 5
In response to thousands of wires and
letters pouring in on BROADWAY
BREVITIES, we have consented to
name the twelve greatest living Ameri-
cans, both male and female. They are
herewith submitted, and we feel our de-
cision will be received enthusiastically in
all parts of the union :
TWELVE GREATEST AMERICAN
Nick the Greek
Sully, the Barber
Paddy the Pig
Our Bootlegger (anonymous)
TWELVE GREATEST AMERICAN
Mary T. Goldman
and the 7 Sutherland Sisters.
SPARKLERS DISAPPEAR IN
JOE SMALLWOOD'S INN
Old friend. Joe Smallwood, who owns
Glenwood Lodge, near Roslyn, has had
a lot of excitement in his place recently.
Mrs. H. E. Aitken, of 125 East 56th
street, lunched in Joe's recherche resort
about two weeks ago, and shortly after
she left missed three rings, valued at
the modest honorarium of $16,000. She
dashed back with her escort, H. D. Con-
nick, and turned the place upside down
— but no rings in sight. Then she took
down a squad of sleuths who made a
third degree search for the missing
articles of bijouterie — same success. Old
pal, Joe, of course is deeply distressed,
and in his distress forgot for three whole
days to mount his old motor truck and
drive up to New York for steaks and
vegetables, as has been his won't these
many years. Joe isn't alone in his em-
barrassment, for if we recall correctly,
that distinguished member of the BUNK
CLUB, Joe Pani, had a similar loss
occur in his sylvan retreat known as
Woodmansten just a short time ago.
Well, it's awful, whatever way you look
* * *
Billy Weston, one of the survivors of
the old flagellation club on Ninth avenue,
seems to be keeping fairly busy with
some of our most representative citizens.
Billy seems to just hop from one in-
fatuation to another — that is, if you want
to drop into that kind of terminology.
Hubby took a hand in it the other day,
and gave Billy a brand new set of hand-
tooled blue prints — you know, the old
divorce stuff. Avocato Hccheimer is
handling the hubby end of it. A wee
bit of uneasiness is felt in certain quar-
ters. Morris and the "Count," and Leon
(deceased) have all been on the honor
roll of Billy's admirers, and as none of
them ever did anything to our knowledge
except take the little lady to lunch, we
see no earthly reason for their dis-
quietude, as we never heard yet of it
being a crime to take a pretty girl out
for the eats. If "lunch" is to become
a crime, then all we can say is, woe
betide many of Broadway's best men.
* * *
Magistrate Edward Weil ruled, not
long ago, that hereafter all monkeys must
be barred from Broadway. Now, don't
misunderstand, he wasn't hitting at the
dance halls or handing a warning to the
Zoo. The ruling arose in connection
with Karl Berkowitz, who you've seen ,
many a time on the old cow-path, being
wheeled on a push cart, carrying a mon-
key therewith. We've seen Berkowitz
on Broadway for years — at one time he
6 Broadivay Brevities
used to walk the lower Broadway sec-
tion, selling pencils, tapping his cane on
the pavement to guide his blind steps.
What we wish to do is to utter a protest
in favor of this pitiful old blind man,
ordered off Broadway, while from 40th
up to 47th street both Broadway and
the side streets are congested with the
infernal sight-seeing trucKs and life made
miserable by their insolent barkers. These
gigantic wagons slow down traffic on
the cross streets, and practically block
the street-car service when they ply
Broadway. They constantly and contem-
ptuously violate the city ordinance which
permits vehicles, outside parking space,
only twenty minutes for loading and un-
loading. Beyond any question the sight-
seeing trucks are "fixed" with the police,
for they are seldom molested and when
they are, it is in the nature of a huge
"FREE VERSE POETRY"
We have long inveighed against the
gang of idiots, headed by that garrulous
nonentity, Amy Lowell, and that other
vacuous nit-wit, Carl Sandborg, who
started the vers libre fad. Signs are
not wanting the bile of the American
public is beginning to rise against their
tomfoolery. We are rejoiced to quote
in part a scathing indictment from this
month's issue of the Critic and Guide,
written by its fearless and gifted editor,
Wm. J. Robinson :
"I have read recently some 'poems'
from the pens of our young 'poets'
My conviction is that these vers librists
are (1) paranoiacs (2) victims of de-
mentia praceox (3) just plain dam-
fools (4) charlatans hungry for notor-
iety, or (5) fellows trying to have
some fun at the expense of the pub-
lishers and the public. I can scarcely
conceive the degree of imbccilic stupid-
ity to which writing can descend. Just
cacophonous gibberish of idle idiots
who ought to be put on the job of
cleaning the streets or — in the case of
the gentler sex — washing dishes.
I am a caterpillar
I will crawl on you
You will crush me
I will crawl still higher.
A specimen of modern poetry. It is
the entire poem. And I have seen worse.
Oh, ye shades of Shelley, Keats, Tenny-
son, Goethe, Schiller, Heine, Moliere.
Is poetry dead — or is it dead only in
the United States of America."
Recent announcement of the nuptials
of a young nabob of Wall as well as
Murray Hill, sets in more acute paradox
than ever his romance of about a year
and a half ago with one of the long-
legged, dancing moths of Broadway. It
all wouldn't be so embarrassing had this
romance not flowered and fruited in a
young copy of the ardent lovers, the
toddler now being, let's guess, a year
old and proudly paraded by its fond
mumma in all the high places of the
town. Babykins, of course, has no name,
wherein occurs the rub. It is said that
fond mumma could, at one time, have
extended her lily fingers and closed them
tightly around a roll totalling two hun-
dred and fifty thousand shekels, but, as
in many similar situations, while Barkis
daughter was willin', her sweet mamma
held out for a more handsome settle-
ment. And held out so long and so
vehemently that, suddenly, the offer was
withdrawn, and not a sou marquee could
be pried loose. On the publication of
papa's nuptials 'tis said that the long-
legged one was for blood and vengeance
in the public prints, threatening entire
front pages in one fell volley. For some
reason or other — very likely the utter
weariness of the city editors with this
stale scandal — not a shot has been heard.
What the eventuation of the affair will
be, however, not even the sagest Broad-
way weather bureau forecaster feels
competent to predict.
* * *
Is it true the "original" Dixie has lost
her "original" sweetie? Now, what do
you think ever could have happened ?
* * *
Will some kind soul tell us what has
become of Bennie Friedlander. author of
"Ten Nights in a Bathroom?"
* * *
Who is the Broadway manager who
kicked in a "grand" to put the clutches
on a certain little chorus girl who felt
she had a good case for the Society for
the Prevention of Indoor Athletics?
* * *
In the absence of anything of impor-
tance to communicate we might bleat that
Zazu Pitts is returning to the screen in
"Country Love" with Metro. Zazu is
in private life Mrs. Tom Gallery, and
it was on the occasion of these two names
being printed at the nuptials that we
threw a cat fit.
* * *
Fania Marinoff dies in the first act of
"The Charlatan." Why can't they ar-
range to have this happen before the
curtain goes up?
Broadway Brevities 7
Josephine Harmon, who was said at
one time to have modelled for the archi-
tects of the Singer Building, turns up
again recently in some suit or other, hav-
ing to do with an act she contracted for
and didn't get. Judging by the last act
we saw "Joe" in we should say she needs
a new- act and then ought to sublet it to
someone to play it.
* * *
Grammatical gems culled from a re-
cent Johnny Wanamaker "editorial";
"Stir and Bustle is Not Always an Ac-
complishment." And "It must irradiate
cheerfulness, etc." And, "A customer
writes us today this." And what Johnny
says the customer writes: "We like your
store because it is apart from all other
known to us." A schoolboy who would
perpetrate this sort of Chink English
would get flogged out of a year's growth.
* * *
It's a little late to talk about it, but
never too late when it's your old play-
mate, Harry Fink, who is involved. We
remember Harry from the time of the
old Tokio on 45th street, and his stirring
renditions in the early a.m.'s of his song,
"The Curse of an Aching Heart." That
ballad was worse than an aching tooth,
but we recall one night we heard Harry
inflict it on the Mayor of New York. It
was Harry's masterpiece, and maybe it
made him what he is today. For you
may have heard of the aching heart of
his wife, Mrs. Ida Fink, who recently
filed suit for separation in the Supreme
Court. In the papers Ida includes many
pleasing reminiscences of Harry's re-
gency in the Tokio. alleging that he paid
entirely too much attention to a wren
named Mrs. Ethel Appel. This sounds
suspiciously like a misnomer for Mrs.
Ethel Attcl, ex-wife of Abe Attel, who
we saw in the Tokio on each of our
frequent visits. However that may be,
when Harry hiked to Brooklyn, after the
collapse of the Tokio, to open the Ritz
there. Ethel was supplanted by a dame
known as Gertrude Bennett, on whom
were bestowed by the ferniggling Fink
a lot of costly gifts. It seems that Harry
resembles the sailor with a sweetheart in
every port, for no sooner had he shifted
again from the Ritz to the Shelburne at
Brighton Beach than he went into the
old hat and brought out a new skirt
called Florence Hutchinson. Wifie Ida
might have tolerated all this a bit longer
had not Harry, per the blue prints, taken
to blacking her eves. She then sang a
little aching eye lyric for the Supreme
Court bench that will nrobably prove
more effective than Harry's original
composition. And if you hunted through
all of Greater New York you probably
wouldn't find a soul to sympathize with
the Faithless Fink.
* * *
It looks as though the jinx is put on
a show the minute Dixie Hines becomes
press-agent for it. First there was
"Montmartre," then the "Pin Wheel"
both of mournful memory. Of course
if you know Dixie and his general opera-
tion as "Personal Representative" it's
all as clear as mud.
* * *
Not many of those who think that
Fannie Brice is a world-beating comic
know that Fannie's hand is turned to
commercial as well as footlight activ-
ities. For Fannie, under the trade name
of Lotta & Brice, operates a millinery
shop in the Fifties. Those not in the
know who visit the shop are impressed
with the Jap-like personality of "Lotta,"
a diminutive specimen of femininity, who
seems to be the whole works. But as
a matter of fact Lotta is said to be
simply a little Jewish maiden from
Chicago. And the story runs that Fannie
got acquainted with her through visits
to a modiste shop in the windy burg, and
eventually imported her, with the result
that the firm of Lotta & Brice came
into existence. And Lotta is said to have
made a lotta hay while Fannie was shin-
ing, for it is common gossip about the
fine old elderly gent with a roll the size
of the Maurctania who has been for
several years a devoted admirer of Lotta.
There's something awfully comical about
the whole thing, and yet we can't say
exactly what it is.
* * *
Rosa Ponselle, the celebrated off-key
diva of the Metropolitan forces, seems
fated to live in an atmosphere of homi-
cides and police courts. Some years ago,
it is said, while Rosa was singing in a
New Haven cabaret, an admirer of hers
named Garison was shot in Rosa's pres-
ence under the most mystifying circum-
stances. As a matter of fact we are
in possession of facts furnished by a
gentleman living in New Haven at the
time that throw a startling light on the
affair, but we are not in a position to
give them to the public. Be that as it
may. a few months ago, on the occasion
of Rosa's birthday party at her home
on the Drive, an Italian couple who were
among the guests became involved in an
affray that landed them later in the
Police Station. On top of this, about
two weeks ago. Rosa's uncle, Alphonse
Ponzillo, shot and killed his son-in-law
8 Broadway Brevities
Salvatore Briguglia at the former's home
in Waterbury. It begins to look as
though the grand old Italian institution
the vendetta was keeping close tab on
Rosa's relatives and acquaintances. As
for Rosa herself, although she jumped
into the Metro from the two-a-day with
a wild hurrah, her star has steadily de-
clined, her appearances last season hav-
ing been few and far between despite
her terrific publicity "bug" and we prop-
hesy that next season they will be fewer
still. As a ma.tter of fact her junction
with the Metropolitan forces was a howl-
ing joke, for she is an incurably off-
pitch contralto, and therefore totally un-
fitted to appear with the great singers
therein. How she ever jazzed herself
in, and why she is still on the pay-roll,
is one of those mysteries that would
furnish a thrilling revealment.
* * *
WHAT THE LONDON DAILY MAIL
THINKS OF U. S. "PROHIBITION"
On the occasion of the recent re-
arrival in England of that fanatical
freak. Pussyfoot Johnson, the Daily Mail
rose with the following deliverance :
"In America five striking
results appear to have been
achieved by Prohibition, First,
revenue of $500,000,000 lost;
second, a great army of de-
tectives and spies costing
$50,000,000 yearly; third, the
new profession of bootlegging,
making an aggregate profit of
$75,300,000,000; fourth, brew-
ing, distilling and winemaking
undertaken privately in hun-
dreds of thousands of Ameri-
can homes; fifth, every known
alcoholic beverage can be ob-
tained in every American city,
and nine-tenths of the towns,
at prices ranging from twice
to ten times that of pre-pro-
hibition days. This state of
affairs may suit the United
States. Mr. Pussyfoot will,
with difficulty, persuade us to
pay his country the compli-
ment of imitation."
* * *
Sincerely apologizing for this fresh
inroad on your vitality, we might report
that Billy Dove (now where did we
hear that name before?) announces the
color scheme of an actress's clothes af-
fects her performance on the screen. Of
course the press-agent dug this up for
Billy, but in any case, being confined
solely to actresses, why should Billy
have any fear?
* * *
"Man Fined $25.00 For Driving With
Arm Around Young Woman" — Nezvs
Item. But think what it probably cost
to get the arm around!
"GIRL HE WINED AND DINED
HELPS WIFE TO FREEDOM"
That heading in the Daily Neivs pre-
faces a story that will surge the bile of
every regular human being, male or fe-
male. Floyd J. Coney of the Bronx,
wedded gazink, fell soft for the bright
young charms of Miriam Davis. Miriam,
the dear, was a close friend of Mrs.
Coney all the time. You'd think, after
leading poor Floyd into her toils, that
this female simp would have stood by
him through thick and thin. However,
her perfidy was disclosed when Mrs.
Coney accused Floyd of ferniggling, and
Floyd — true to the tried formula under
such conditions — expressed simulated
disgust with Miriam. When Miriam
heard of this what does the damn fool
do but ups and blows the whole roast
in court to Justice Tompkins who there-
upon granted a decree. She confessed
she had been doing the cabaret, dance-
hall and road-house circuit with Floyd,
including of course all the trimmings.
You'd think she thought enough of
Floyd, and would be sufficiently in dread
of the old lady, to keep her mouth shut.
No, me boys, she didn't and wasn't —
and to this Judas-like wren we hereby
award the hand-tinted bottle of Citrate
* * *
Just when we thought Mildred Soper
was lost for good, along comes a press-
sheet stating that she is to pose for a
series of paintings by Everett-Shinn.
We suppose you could term this Mildred's
* * *
Goldwyn's news letter reports that
Colleen Moore is "an authority on beds."
Says Collie can spot a good bed the
minute she sees it, from the springs right
up to the counterpane. Is it possible
Collie was once a chambermaid?
* * *
Not meaning to tantalise you further,
yet we must announce that Phyllis Haver
— whose long legs we are sick of looking
at — is going to jump out of bathing suits
to act a role in "The Christian." Phyllis
annoys us terribly, but may be a nice
girl at that, if only one knew her.
Broadway Brevities 9
BETTY J E W E L
Ohc o/ //)f »«e beauties of the screen world, 'who shows great promise
after a comparatively short career on the silver sheet. Miss jewel, fallow-
ing her debut in the great Griffith feature, "Orphans of the Storm." is now
engaged on a new picture. By even the most casual inspection of the photo
above you can easily conclude that she is not only renowned for her beauty,
but also appears to have every endowment for a striking success in the
silent drama. Personally captivating, those -who know her think that her
sweet nature reflects her name. Betty is a real "find" and we feel con-
fident the electric lights will some day spell her name. Note, wouldn't you
wish Betty all that, and then some more?
10 Broadzcay Brevities
It's the Snake's
Wasn't it a surprise for a certain young damsel to learn that Oscar Shaw's
familv name was Schwartz? And after admiring those beautiful white molars?
Is it true that Wally Reis is once again making pictures?
the inside story?
And just what was
'Tis pleasant to see Owen Murphy coming to front again as one of our cleverest
lyric writers, with his volatile contributions to "Spice of 1922." How different from
the "Gus Edwards Rehearsals of 1920." The cry of "Panic, Panic" now makes
way for "Success, Success !"
Where, oh where, is Flo Mathews, the Belle of Beantown I It's been several
years since she graced the light way, squired by the dignified Democratic politician.
We shouldn't wonder if Flo hasn't settled down, gotten herself happily married
and thoroughly domesticated. So many do!
Helen Lambert, that perennial flower of the Pacific, is back once more in our
midst, having just returned from a pleasant visit to Atlantic City. Helen is such
a good dancer, it seems a shame that she doesn't get herself a good partner and grab
off some of that soft money that is being paid some of those classy dancing teams
along the Great Drv Wav.
Have the little Perry Sisters — Peggy and Maizie — told you yet how artistically
they got the 'air' one evening by two regular boys that they thought were just small
town saps? Aren't the two little flappers dizzy yet?
With Van & Schenck headlining at the Palace, it does seem a far cry from
the lowly roles of conductor and motorinan for the B. R. T.? However, if that
good old railroad continues to raise wages they may hope some day to get the two
clever bovs back.
It is reported on high authority the recent reports regarding the reconciliation
of Lou Tellegen and the fair Geraldine, were without foundation, and that all gossip
relating to the smoothing out of the domestic ripples were manufactured out of
whole cloth. Reports has it that neither of the principals has changed temperamen-
tally to any degree, and therefore the case is statu quo as it has been these many
months. Is there any news of the French lady who palled with Gerry?
Occasionally there flashes across the firmament a clever girl with brains and a
natural sense of humor. Such a one, we would say. is Anna May Gift, whose brand
of subtle and spontaneous humor bids fair, if developed, to rival that of Florence
Moore. Can you imagine a more clever remark, in the midst of a deadly and tire-
some dinner party, than. "Throw back your moustache, and give us a kiss," thrown
at a high-brow intellectual by the clever Anna May. That would certainly make
many a walrus discard his soup-strainers.
The dashing Fddie Mathews is seen about quite a bit squiring Sally Fields.
We wonder if she was cavorting with him at Long Beach the other Sunday, as we
couldn't catch a glimpse of her Grecian profile.
What a laugh to see Lou Holtz drumming up trade for his new "Side Show"
among the tablc-d'hoters at Castles-by-the Sea. Better not let Gil catch you. Lou!
Broadivay Brevities 11
Why did the clever young newspaper man nickname Bernice Elmore, "Bunnie
the Dunce?" And hasn't he regretted the pseudonym since?
Tis reported that Agnes Dunne, — none other than Conky's old partner — and the
former wife of Bruce Bethel — has done the matrimonial flip-flop again. And cer-
tainly with none other than Phil Elliott, the English boy with the Titian locks who
for many months was seen about with Conky during the latter's bachelorhood.
Are there any more paving blocks being thrown at Arthur Lyons, now that he
is a full-fledged theatrical promoter-producer-manager?
What a charming couple Syd Hydeman and his little wife do make on the sands
of Long Beach, while parading up and down fondling their little pet marmoset. Sid
made quite a hit on the beach the Sunday Frank Tinney gave his circus down there.
Everyone thought Sid with his little pet was one of the wild animal trainers specially
imported for that night's tent show.
We wonder whether Flo Lewis is going to be the featured star with the new
Herman Timberg unit on the Shubert vaudeville circuit next season. She would
certainly make a sweet little leading lady.
Too bad that the happy home on 92nd street was broken up, isn't it Flo Henry?
We had planned many a friendly visit, but could never get around to it. However,
now that you are at Murray's, it will be more convenient to drop in some afternoon
for tea. Right?
Nellie Revell, now three years prone on a cot in St. Vincent's Hospital, with
an obscure spinal affliction, is America's outstanding heroine. Something truly
Spartan must reside in the mind and soul of one still optimistic after three years
of what, to most of us, would be inconceivable torture. There's more than that
about it. however. Cut off from physical movement and from all of the outside
world except that loving part which crowds to her little room, she has fallen back
upon the resources of her mind. And not upon the same mind that functioned over
her former activities. But upon a mind made marvelously acute and inventive by
suffering. No more proof of this is needed than her "Bedside Chats" which have
been running in Variety for almost a year. No keener wit, more penetrating
analysis and scintillating epigram are being written elsewhere today. We think it
will be a new Nellie Revell who will come back to Broadway, and that it will be
the publishers and not the actors will wait at her door.
On Our Cover: MAE WEST
She's still most engagingly young, but we do remember Miss West's
former feats in the varieties at the time when she was in the throes of the
shimmey epidemic, and did her palpitations in a manner that was the ruin
of many a Presbyterian divine. Especially do we recall her work at the
Capitol, not long after it opened. Miss West is now in a middle phase
of subtler artistry, still inflected by the shiver but adorned with much
remarkable dramatic exhibition. Recently at the Palace, she accomplished
an unbroken triumph, doing her act in protean role, now a "laugh vamp,"
now a prima donna, comical and serious by turns. In short Miss West
was a fine and consummate surprise, with a finesse and versatility, a dashing
vitality and sure authority that ought to send the legitimate managers
trailing her holding contracts in their hands ready to be autographed by
her on the dotted line. By looking at her most fetching pose on our cover,
you will admit that Mae is no company for a nervous person.
12 Broadway Brevities
Three Cheers for "Youtho" and
'The Secret of the Desert"
E. Virgil Neal, Colossus of Quackery, Springs Two New Ones
They do say that, for months, good old NUXATED IRON, fathered
by that Prince of Quackery, E. Virgil Neal, has been on its last legs.
You no doubt recall, in our last issue, the inside story dealing with
this nostrum and with the career of Neal, put out of business by the
Federal authorities on many occasions in the past fifteen years on account
of his fake operations. For a long time this quack masqueraded under
the alias of X. La Motte Sage. But it seems that his genius for quackery
is equalled only by his genius for duplicity, for he escaped from every one
of his unlawful enterprises with no more than the punishment of a Fraud
Order or a fine. Crafty as a fox, advancing years probably told him that
only in the higher and more subtly refined phases of hokum lay safety,
and so we find him, in or about 1914, engaged in a new and apparently
ethical adventure. This was NUXATED IRON, on which for seven
long years he has poured the largess of his advertising resources and
bedecked with the flower of his matured, inventive cunning. The Amer-
ican Medical Association, of course, has declared again and again that
NUXATED IRON is worse than worthless but Xeal's profits from
its sale to a gullible public have, beyond doubt, run into the millions.
As we said at the beginning, good old NUXATED is now reported
to be on its last legs. When we saw, a few weeks ago, the brazen and
unethical action of the Liggett Drug Co. in placing its imprint over a
"bargain" offer on Nuxated we suspected the worst. On that thrilling
occasion we wrote to the head office of the Liggett Co. and asked them
their reason for endorsing a preparation denounced by the American
Medical Association. They finally made a lame and somewhat apologetic
reply, stating that this had occurred through an error. In any case the
Liggett endorsement abruptly ceased.
With all these factors loudly forecasting the "finish" of NUXATED
one's mind naturally reverts to the tall, neurasthenic, bespectacled Xeal
in his eyrie at 11 East 36th. and the interrogation arises: "Won't he
presently be on the job with a new nostrum?" For NUXATED doubt-
less will soon be reverently laid away beside the moss-covered graves of
"Tokalon," "Xeal's Biscuit," "Yitaopathy," "Olivefoam" and the count-
less other creations of Neal's restless fakery.
Well, it's the funniest thing — one day as we lounged in our editorial
chair taking the final pulls from a fine old bottle of Green Stripe, the
telephone rang and someone at the other end told us all about Xeal's
(Continued on Page 14)
Broadway Brevities 13
(Photo by Tornello)
Having recently been acclaimed the most beautiful fashion
photographers' model in America, this vivacious young Connecticut
society girl icill probably be one of the scintillating attractions
in the nczv "Greenwich Village Follies."
14 Broadway Brevities
Dear readers, female and male, those of you with corns and those
of you with wrinkles, be of good cheer! Your deliverance is near at
hand. For brother Neal, we are credibly informed, will soon be to the
fore with TWO fresh concoctions, one for your corns and the other for
your wrinkles. In fact one of the two might fitly be described as Neal's
And as a cold matter of icy fact, Neal has already fired the first shot
at your aching toes ! For the Daily Neivs ( that growing haven of patent
nostrums) tucked away in 6-inch, single column space in its Sunday issue
of Jul}' 9, a fascinating announcement of
GYPSY FOOT RELIEF
A Secret from the Desert
Nothing in or at the foot of the ad. gives intimation of the proprietor-
ship otjjPGypsy Foot '•Relief ." You are told to apply for it at certain drug-
stores named, among them our old playmates, the Liggett Co., who seem
to have, by all we can hear, a cynical attitude towards the buying public
you might suppose they would be anxious to protect.
This is, of course, only the "opening gun" on "The Secret of the
Desert." No doubt, a little later, we shall hear from Neal's irresponsible
advertising bureau that some Bedouin or other, with bad feet from doing
too much walking on the Sahara, was taken off into a corner by one of
Neal's scouts and teased into parting from his secret formula for making
sore "dogs" as good as new Wait and see!
Well, so much for that. Listen closely while we tell about the "other"
mixture that your old pal has almost ready for you.
It's something with a punch, exceeding all past performances of
hokum's master-mind. It's going to hit you right between the eyes, on
the solar plexus, and also flat on the jaw.
Should our information be accurate — and we have no reason to doubt
it — Neal is about to crown his career with an elixir that will put Ponce
de Leon in the scrap-heap, make old rounders cut up like a colt in a
pasture, wipe Professor Metchnikofif off the historical map and delete
Bishop Butler's Tar Water — guaranteed, as Macaulay says, to "make
old rakes young again" — from the annals of English medicine.
For — hold your sides a minute! — Neal will soon begin publicity on
the foe and Nemesis of senesence! With "Youtho" within reach, old
age is to become a laugh. One bottle of this preparation, and Johnny
Hoagland, Dave Lamar and Arthur Hammerstein would start spinning
tops on the floor or licking candy sticks! One bottle, and elderly liis-
trioncs such as Norah Bayes, Eve Tanguay and Grace LaRue would start
putting ribbon bow-knots on their back hair or making mud-puddles on
Times Square ! Senility will be abolished as soon as Liggett's get
"Youtho" stacked on their shelves.
By gurry! can you beat this bird? And he gets away with it!
Broadway Brevities 15
There's just one thing we're curious about. As related in our July
article, Xeal has been taking treatments from a chiropractor for a long
period. Totally disregarding NuXATED — that dynamo of punch and
WILL XEAL TRY "VOUTHO?"
All we can say is that WE are going to try "Youtho" — thoroughly.
But not by dosage. We are going to "try it out." in another way. We
are going to try to discover whether there is really ANY available means
of protection for a. credulous public. And whether E. Virgil Xeal can.
with impunity, continue to unload his preposterous nostrums unchecked.
"Watch me tickle his hind foot — that rrnilc can't kick"
"Bctcha I can lean two feet farther out of the window than you"
"It isn't loaded, and I'll prove it to you"
"Tilt the canoe a little more — it can't Upset"
"Watch me go out in the undertow and make the life-saver jealous"
"Let me sit by the window — lightnin' can't touch this kid"
"Let's have the wheel, and I'll show you how to round that corner"
"Sure. I'll sleep like a top after the cucumbers and milk"
"Listen to me call him a 'wop' while he's shavin' me"
"Watch me hold this mouthful of tacks and drink while I'm doin' it"
"Give her the gas — the drawbridge is closed"
"Dangerous? You're crazy — see me kick that third rail"
"The stuff's all right — give me the first drink"
"Just for a joke I'll ride down in the dumb waiter."
16 Broadway Brevities
Tliev do sav there*s over $60,000 posted on the board at the Lambs.
* * *
"Hurry and get it, lady." piped the conductor on a crowded Fiftli avenue bus —
"don't vou see that gentleman has just evacuated his seat?"
* * *
There's many a slip 'twixt the hip and the lip !
* * *
"Drink to me only with thine ice" cooed the iceman's sweetie.
* * *
Said Harry : "My card at the club's running out but 1 can easily get it ex-
* * *
A very good story bobs up far in the wake of that Equity Benefit at the Metro-
politan. It seems John Charles Thomas, a well known ten minute egg, had been
asked to appear, and one of the polite conditions was that he should render popular
airs. Johnny wasn't agreeable to that, and wired the committee, "Pagliacci or
nothing." They finally wired back: "All right, nothing."
* * *
It never rains but someone pours.
* * *
In our May issue we stated it was rumored that Julia Sanderson had had a
"face lifting." Julia mailed us shortly thereafter her card with the following in-
dignation written on it : "Report is discredited by those who have opportunity to
make intimate investigation." . . . Don't you love that "intimate investigation?"
Sorry, Julia, but younger wrens than thee are doin' it!
OUR NEW ADVERTISING SLOGANS
(Tendered Gratis to the $16.00 Per Advtg. Hacks)
TRY OUR BOOLAX ONCE AND YOU'LL NEVER TRY ANY
OUR CLOTHES ARE ALL READY TO WEAR OUT.
YOU CAN'T GET STUNG ON ONE OF OUR MATTRESSES.
TAKE OUR SOAP TO THE TRACK AND CLEAN UP.
WE STAND BEHIND EVERY BED WE SELL.
USE OUR GLUE FOR THAT STICKY FEELING.
MOTHERS-IN-LAW NEVER COME BACK WHEN CAMPBELL
WEAR O'SULLIVANS AND YOU'LL BE WELL-HEELED.
OUR BUNS HAVE A REAL KICK.
GET PICKLED ON OUR HERRING.
OUR EX-LUX PUTS PEP IN TIRED FEET.
ASK DAD— IF HE'S SOBER HE KNOWS.
HAVE YOU A LITTLE FAIRY IN YOUR CAST?
THE SKINS YOU LOVE TO TOUCH.
Broad'wav Brevities 17
This accomplished girl, now leading lady of "The Cat and the Canary" at National
Theatre, one of the hits of the season, has had. despite her apparent youthf illness,
a distinguished series of roles. She made her debut three years ago in one of the
leading parts of "The Betrothal." next appearing in "Thunder" and later adorning
"Turn to the Right." Afterwards Miss Field played stock in Canada. Her biggest
success antedating her present role was in "Welcome Stranger." a notable dramatic
triumph. Miss fields' work in "The Cat and the Canary" has elicited the plaudits
of the critics, and makes each night's audience in love with her girlish sweetness.
STUDIO - 110 \\
est 47th Street
N. - Y. - C.
Who is it Jack Duffy means when he
croons, "My Girl ?"
* * *
What's the big news on "Dash Inn ?"
A certain midnight show seems to make
the place a rendezvous.
* * *
Whose apartment is known as "Chateau
Delayem," and who gave it that name?
* * *
Isn't Helen O'Brien's song. "Grieving
For You" rather old ? What say. Helen ?
* * *
Who is it makes you sicker than any-
one else on earth? Answer — all together
— "That hideous pest, Babe Ruth !"
18 Broadway Brevities
"I Love Every Ache
In My Body/'
Wrote B. H.
STORY OF THE INFATUATED
This entrancing and highly exclusive
tale is all ahout a little lady, living
sweetly with her hubby on Central Park
West. The little lady is that somewhat
curious organism, a concert, or if you
like it better, opera diva, and is soon to
hurl her cantilena proscenium-ward in
a new musical comedy to make its debut
on Broadway, built especially for her.
(We mean the show, not Broadway.)
Well, like most songbirds of the female
gender she possesses a romantic nature.
Hubby is a nice, quiet, conventional
business man. and while he supplies the
wads of kale necessary to keep the ice-
box well stocked and the landlord cordial,
he is probably deficient in those other
most vital amorous properties without
which no fair or even ugly lady can
long be intrigued. We say probably
deficient, for we know of no other reason
that would send Mile. Soprano cooing
towards a certain pluggy, grizzled and
middle-age actor, once with an enormous
flair on Broadway, who. to make it still
more in-trik-atc. possesses a cunning
little matrimonial trick of his own. Well,
to get back to the dirty work, our fair
diva, in one of those attacks of dementia
that affect the most cautious intriguante,
started writing love-notes to Mr. Actor,
some of these heated epistles taking form
and substance in the far west. The
French maxim. "Never write a letter and
never tear one up" was apparently tin-
known to the diva, and the result of the
whole shooting match is that our aged
eyes, a week or two ago. had the interest-
ing privilege of rolling through one of
these amorous billet dou.v. the envelope,
bearing no postmark, obviously delivered
by messenger. And it is some letter for
a perfectly good wedded lady to write !
One of the sentences reads : "Since last
night I lore every ache in my body."
And much more along the same line.
In fact the contents of the missive, in
toto, contain enough dynamite to blow
up a couple of hundred hearth-stones,
and any doubt as to the identity of the
fair correspondent would be dispelled by
the blue and gold monogram on the cor-
ner of the sky-tinted stationery. If you
will take the four letters, B.H.R.E. and
shuffle them round at your own pleasure,
who knows that they might not fall into
proper position something in the style
of the jumping capitals on the. curtain
at the movies. Or you might leave them
just as they are and derive satisfactory
results. If you are deprived of the
pleasure of further details in BREV-
ITIES maybe it will be atoned for on
the front pages of the Daily News or
American some fine day soon. But should
this fail, you will find full names and
copy of the burning love-letter in our
* * *
Oh, and here's another bunk of gossip
from the Goldwyn's. Claire Windsor's
done gone and bobbed her blonde tresses.
They were black in a recent picture with
Milton Sills, but we suppose there was
a reason for that. Everything was black
for poor Milt in that movie, anyway.
* * *
If you'll spare our lives just a wee
bit longer we'll gurgle another peachy
bit of news. Helene Chadwick says
when she has a hard weeping scene be-
fore the camera she's gloomy the rest
of the day. We remember being gloomy
for two whole weeks after seeing Helene's
work in a recent picture.
Broadway Brevities 19
DEATH IN LIFE
Paul Simonetto, a Sing Sing inmate,
was placed under the X-ray yesterday
and found to have a deceased jawbone.
— N. Y. Tribune.
* * *
Old John D. Rockefeller has just cele-
brated, his 83d birthday. Think how
much older he might be had he smoked
and drank all his life!
* * *
Anything that will "make a dog laugh"
is presumed to possess the quintesscense
of risibility. Well, if this holds true,
every bow-wow in America must be
howling its head off at the present mo-
ment. For the canine population must
have heard of Flo Ziegfeld's diatribes
against the marriage of Marilyn Miller
and Jack Pickford. The unique Ziggy
is all hct up about it. He says : "She
could have picked a real man. She is
taking awful chances." Wouldn't that
puncture vour tin Lizzie? FLO ZIFG-
FELD, Jr. rebuking sin! FLO ZIFG-
FELD, Jr. boosting the moral sanctity
of the American home! Let us laugh
along with the dogs. Let us explode
with the canines. Let Lily Lorraine in
on the howls. We hold no brief for
Jack Pickford, but we'll say this that if
ever Jack had an opportunity to make
himself popular, and to secure complete
vindication of his record, is able to un-
cork a good wallop and won't mind a
ten dollar fine at 54th street — God has
given him his chance!
* * *
Sir Harry Lauder is coming over in
October for his 17th annual tour of the
United States Item from N. Y. Times,
July. 1940: "We hear that Sir Harry
Lauder is coming over in October for
his 35th annual tour of the United States.
It is whispered that Madame Bernhardt
sails on the same boat, and that the
famous pair will be seen in a special
production of "Hamlet" by Al. Woods.
One of the novelties of the production
(said to be Mr. Woods' own idea) is a
bedroom scene. Mr. Woods' first return
to boudoir specialties since he swore off
four-posters eighteen years ago. The
melancholy Dane will be played by Harry
Weber on alternate nights."
* * *
Hurrah! Lucille Chalfante has a job.
In the autumn — Greenwich Follies. Let's
all hope she won't sing.
* * *
How doth Jimmy R. get along, muses
"Bebe," since Hi B. hath migrated to
BROJIDWJiy a.t 51st STREET
Worlds la,rgest,mostbcauVfu,I Motion'PicUwe.Tkl&ca
^tr l:DWAI\DJ. 'BOWES, MzjiagingVircctor ^
he superior in pictures in conjunction with (lie
CAPITOL GRAND ORpHESTRA
Tlrno 9\apee, conductor
CAPITOL BALLET CORPS*
Alexander Oumanshy, Ballet Master
''Mile. QcMibarelli, 'Ballerina,
T>oris Nilcs a.ncL Thadia, fenoLU.
J ZY7 ///■/■/ /'
20 Broadway Brevities
Further Tales of the Pink- Eyed Wolf
/"\ UR old friend, "Dirty Dave" is a
^"^ busy man. With our limited space
we can, now and again, find room for
a few of his exploits. He's making
history so fast, however, each night that
it would take a BREVITIES of 1,000
pages per issue to report in detail his
adventures in the half-world of dirty
necks and synthetic throat tonic. This
time we are able to allot a little extra
space to the "Wolf," so as to sort of
bring him up to date and if you care
to read the rot, why, you're welcome as
the furunculae in February !
Dave hath a wife. Oh, that's positive.
Wific has been in these regions now for
several months, making the hegira from
her far-off New England home prin-
cipally because she'd read all about her
dear husband in BREVITIES — about the
churches he was building, his donations
to the Prohibition fund and his many
acts of sweetness, refinement and genial-
ity. Oh, my yes — she's here.
Dave likes 'em rough and dirty, and
has, in spite of wifie and the police courts,
been holding up his end pretty well
through the Winter, spring and early
summer solstice. How he has escaped
a busted coco or being held up with one
of his carloads of kale, God only knows.
His operations on the street, incidentally,
arc said to have been more brilliant than
ever, and it is no unusual thing for him
to light his cigar with a "grand." Any
time at all, a coat girl can depend on a
twenty, while five orchestras are said to
have retired to summer homes at Larch-
mont on the 5 a.m. kick-ins of the Wolf.
Dave had a funny experience in his
hotel a few weeks ago. His chief boot-
legger called; Dave and his wife an-
swered the door. "Here's your order"
said Bootie — "and by the way, Mr. L.
would you mind slipping me for that
bottle I delivered to Betty Hudson the
other day?" That little break is said
to have hung a new lavallierc on wine's
'Nother night, Dave was giving a gay
party to a Judge — imagine it, a Judge! —
at Club Maurice. Late in the festivities
came a fight, Dave grabbed a bottle,
it broke in his mitt — and he had to run
up to the Adlon and have Doc. Klein
take some stitches.
But the best story of all — now told
k.o. for the first time — is how Dave gave
the air to his old girl, Betty Hudson.
You remember that yarn in the papers
about Dave's party in a 49th street
restaurant, when he was charged with
beaning a dame with a bottle. Present
on this occasion were Dave and Betty
and Johnny H and one of the
numerous Taylor Sisters — also, of course,
plenty "Old" Taylor. Well, the Taylor
doll, it seems, was making up a bit to
Dave, and Helen got sore. Then came
a free-for-all scrap, with the result that
Dave threw Betty out of the party, and
later picked up a bundle of herring called
Jean Tyler, said to have been attired
in a gingham dress, plus run-down
heels. This charming little bit of fem-
ininity is said to have kept Dave com-
pany for one whole week thereafter.
ALOIS MERKE— HAIR, SCALP AND BEAUTY TREATMENTS— 512 FIFTH AVENUE
Broadzvay Brevities 21
Character dancer in the Capitol Theatre Ballet, zvherc her clever work has created
a strong following in the tzco years there. Miss Miles zvas formerly with the Morgan
Dancers. She is an artiste of distinction and still greater promise.
Boccaccio writing Sunday ads for the Decameron Sisters. Casanova
strolling with Sappho in the Gardens of Esculapius at a Vestal Virgins'
clinic. Sir John Suckling immortalising the little feet that peep in and
out, but would cover them with Miller's pumps. Donned the Overalls
heard round the World. Laureate of Hebe and of Helen, the Central
Sun in whose amorous rays butterflies stagger to the Footlight Zenith.
Catapulted from the keys of his Underwood a thousand skirted Nit-Wits
have tasted the ether of Stardom. Deifier of Beauty and Intellect, yet
his Greek-like swings into space leaving them yelling for Flat-Parties and
Roseland. Owner of the world's most annotated Red Book his telephone
contract, on a direct line, would be 300,000 messages a year, overplussed
by the incoming. Hid in Freudian inscrutability behind his horn-rimmed,
only a bland and Presbyterian naivete exudes. Wasting and scattering
extraordinary powers on the unsoaped ephemerae of the foots. Deadly
disability : Ducking for his Dobbs after your stay is two-minutes long —
and sometimes you don't go back.
ALOIS MERKE— AMERICA'S LEADING HAIR AND BEAUTY EXPERT— 512 FIFTH AVE.
22 Broadway Brevities
J. C. BONNER TO HAVE HIS OWN
The many friends of J. C. Bonner will
be pleased to know that he will open a
new hotel in Philadelphia, next March,
under his personal direction, to be called
the Sylvania. Mr. Bonner will be re-
membered as the former manager of the
Ritz in Philly, and at present assistant
manager of the Ritz in Atlantic City.
He is known as one of the foremost,
most competent and affable hotel direc-
tors in the country.
* * *
Man fainted dead away yesterday while
reading a newspaper. It was found he
had run across a picture of society
women, none of whom had her legs
crossed and her skirt several inches above
MR. ROTHAFEL RISES TO
S. L. Rothafel, the Edison of the mov-
ing picture, made a spirited address not
long since at the convention of the
Society of Motion Picture Engineers.
The great expert of "Presentations" at
the Capitol said some notable things,
among them being that in ten years as
an artistic production the screen will
rival grand opera, that it will become
the greatest educational force in the
whole world. Mr. Rothafel made the
interesting prophecy that the moving pic-
ture house of the future will be without
stage, balcony or boxes, egg-shaped, and
will accommodate perhaps 5,000 persons
at one time.
* * *
That heading the other day, "Two
Girls Dying Side By Side In Bcllcvue,"
illuminated in striking fashion the pitiful
side of the great city. An old song told
of "the city of sighs and tears," and
but too true it is that, hid behind the gay
human panorama of the bright lights of
Broadway, moves another world with
broken hopes and hearts for its portion.
Yet you could scarcely believe this other
world exists while you stand by the doors
of the theatres and cabarets and note
the gay thousands going in and out, or
pause for a half hour to watch Broad-
way's merry river run down to its nightly
sea of abandon. But there on the two
cots in Bellevue lay Anna Duane. a 19
year old performer, and Margaret
Bulkley not yet twenty-five, washed up
out of the eddying tides of the city.
Both had swallowed bichloride and both
still wanted to die. You will know ere
this appears in print whether they died
or lived. The point is the moral — and
that a vast one. Behind the tragedy al-
most always the Man, sometimes to
blame and sometimes not, but — the Man.
The little moths, young and old, have a
sure doom set. Whether they dig for
gold, or sacrifice for love, — a sure doom.
How good it would be if they might
have burnt in their brain, as with vitriol,
that word "BEWARE! For the wages
of sin is death, and no hectic Broadway
and no country lane can dodge it.
* * *
Carroll McComas used to irritate us
terribly when she appeared on the local
stage, and our bosom bulges with satis-
fied sighs to learn that she has been given
by God in marriage. One of Carroll's
feats was whistling, but she never could
whistle hard enough to keep our courage
up. Carroll was a heavy burden. And
Carroll's no chick any longer.
* * *
The Earl Carroll Funeral Theatre,
after having successfully interred "Bavu."
Mrs. Woodruff, and "The Pin Wheel"
in unbroken succession, decided a couple
of weeks ago to penetrate the black belt.
So they gave the air to Dixie Hincs, the
"Pin Wheel's" well known undertaker
(also mortician in charge on the de-
ceased "Montmartre") and opened the
wings for "Strut Miss Lizzie" a chocolate
adumbration imported from the Times
Square. We are writing this item on
the 11th day of July. We go to press
on the 19th. Will the compo please space
three lines at the foot of this item for
another probable funeral notice.
MAGICAL QUARTZ RAY METHOD FOR HAIR— MERKE, 512 FIFTH AVENUE
Broadway Brevities 23
"SOUR GRAPES" FOR THE HUS-
BAND OF BILLY BURKE!
Kvcry regular man and all sympathetic
womankind in New York must surely
regard with amazement and disgust the
attempts of Flo Ziegfeld to inject his
"sour grapes" into the wedding plans of
that brilliant actress and sweet girl,
Marillyn Miller. Indeed you could
hardly believe.- even knowing "Flo," that
he would descend to the depths of de-
spicability he has done. On another page
we have recommended to Jack Pickford
this one grand chance of his life — if he
has any steam in bis right fist — -to re-
habilitate himself (admitting that were
needed ) in the good graces of his coun-
trymen. Americans have always stood
for fair play, and. where a woman is
concerned, for the extreme of justice,
respect and decency. Of these tilings
Flo Ziegfeld apparently knows nothing.
Mrs. Pickford, in more than one inter-
view, has hinted at "sour grapes," and
those Broadwayites familiar with the
inner workings of the New Amsterdam
Theatre building arc not unaware that,
ever since the death of her young hus-
band Frank Carter, Miss Miller has had
many and extended attentions lavished
on her by "Flo." It was at Christmas,
a year back, that be is said to have pre-
sented her with an exquisite Oriental
vase, costing into the thousands. To
her credit, be it said. Miss Miller has
never shown the faintest intimation of
more than a business interest in "Flo."
and her final decision to marry Pickford
has evidently stirred all the bile lying
below "Flo's" blue sport collar. There
can be no question that Rroadwav is for
Marillyn and Jack and hot against the
Czar of the "Follies" who has pulled a
bloomer that will prove one of the big-
gest boomerangs of his long and check-
* * *
Marillyn Miller withdrew from the
"Sally" at Colonial. Boston, on the 15th.
to take a well-earned vacation.
* * *
Was the mysterious "gentleman" in
apartment 82 at the Grenoble, really the
husband? And was that "gentleman"
really such a shadow boxer and razor
swallower as claimed?
* * *
Soon to be published by song-sharps
Goodman & Rose will be "Since I Lost
and Found You on Broadway" from the
pen of Artie Leeming of "Spice of 1922."
whose photograph appears in this issue.
featured as a specialty dancer in
"Spice of 1922" with great suc-
cess, will be one of the numerous
stars of the coming "Passing Show
of 1922." Artie 'was in "Hitchy-
Koo" and in Lew Fields' "Lonely
as the rube comic and in
other notable productions. A boy,
as thev saw that "will bear watch-
FAMOUS BROADWAY PROFESSIONALS SEEN AT MERKE'S FOR HAIR TREATMENT
24 Broadivay Brevities
at the lender age of two
years, pushing what appears
to be a toy coffin, thus show-
ing his early predilections for
the various phenomena of
death, embalming, planting
Intimate Story of the Rise of
Caesar Campbell and the Rise,
Decline and Fall of Cassius Baer
By ARTHUR BRIGHAM ROSE
(Continued from July Issue)
FROM DARKEST 23rd TO BUSY 16th
"Upon thine altar then return,
And leave thee sleeping in thine urn"
Having concluded the first segment of our narration seething with the camou-
flage smolder caused from smutchy publicity hokes, let us rove from the Crystal
Palace at Murrays' abutments, and Walk a Mile to Campbell's !
"Caesar," upon the eventful occasion of the transition from darkest 23rd to
brighter 66th, declared, "Behold! I Caesar have given origin to a new order of
burial schemes." What a long and lingering perfume ! ! !
Nothing is more inimical to an agglomerate, impenetratable understanding, than
the vintage of a supposed "new idea."
As to this especial harmonica solo, we aver that in Ancient Tuscany when our
ancestors threw cocoanuts at one another, and in later periods, orphan trepan strat-
egists, plied their trade in manner suchwise, with possible ommissions of devices and
stratagems such as we are about to regale the gentle reader with.
More specifically about the jazbo that Campbell originally conceived the idea
of an emporium where the sweet deceased can repose with all the conveniences of
Church and Home, examination discloses and reveals.
At Sakkara during the dynasty (2980 B.C.) in Babylonia among the Greeks —
in the Selencia period, and in Rome, Nubia and Syria after the 1 and 11 dynasties
not to mention the later establishments right in our own United Provinces : Oliver
Bair of Philadelphia; Bonney Watson of Seattle; Jim Winterbottom ; Stephen
Broadway Brevities 25
A curious croivd collected about one of Frankie's "Montrosses," wondering hozv
in hell he ever got from $500 to $3,000 apiece for those goldarned containers.
Alerritt of Manhattan ; and Fairchild & Sons of Brooklyn, plus a possible 200 others,
were handling cadavers according to Huyler long ere Frank Ellis Campbell deter-
mined to whitewash the Raines Law Hotel at 1970.
The site selected for this new Widow glucose impingement, was the hotel W
By no means a toothsome edifice — on the contrary, it was pea green, cryptic, fore-
boding and somewhat odoriferous.
One of the fast disappearing chewing-tobacco emporiums with a special entrance
'round the corner.
Scarlet progenitors who ambled through the side entrance with Helen of Joy or
her posterity, bedecked the register with a fetching scroll.
Naturally, Frank cogitated about the kind of incense and fumigation required.
Consultation with an architect resulted in a charge of $2,000 with a set of blue prints
for proposed structural changes.
Now for the Bad News!
The Leonard Construction Company requested the modish sum of $75,072.35
for their end of the job and the following addenda were also required —
Iron work $6
Interior Telephone 1
Portable Floor Lamps
Show Window Reflectors
Hot Water Hoiler
When our hero meditated upon the foregoing specifications, he almost took a
pleasant ride with Santos Dumont.
How in the H. E. double scratch was he going to do it?
Mr. Edgar L. Berry, the then installed efficiency chef, called in a trio of C.P.A.'s.
Twenty-one days of research into the conglomerate mass of documentary papyrus
of the Frank E. Campbell & Stephen Merritt Emb. Inst, of N. V., netted the recom-
mendation by Berry to bury the refcro monumentum. historia and annates.
26 Broadway Brevities
Nevertheless, it was conceded that the aforementioned combine possessed
$10,573.36 in cash. $15,000 in moneys receivable, and equipment of the reasonable (?)
valuation of $37,303.40.
Two banks, a casket company and persona grata among our financial panties
conspicuously figured in the obligation thus assumed.
With one lusty swing of the shovel, the somber rigmarole of pledging and
hypothecating everything down to a spare suit of B.V.D.'s as collateral security,
To top this off, F.E.C. installed a pneumatic tube system so that messages of
condolence and prognostication could be despatched with all possible speed through
the various chambers in the premises, also a confidential dictaphone for the purpose
of listening to the sibilant paregoric of the cash custom and employees???
The straining for effect was flabbergasting! So were the price tags!
Finally the transition had become an intelechy.
When therefore, Frank had successfully arranged his props for the Grand
Opening he ambidexterously switched on the $2,179.43 worth of leaded dome, search
and portable floor lights intending to dumfounder and stagger blase Broadway.
Instead, he staggered under the strain of the accounts payable concealed in his
The hokes were ostensibly for the attraction of the Refined Extract of Rubber.
For the howling mob, first timcrously and then defiantly, assembled to view this
most extraordinary spectacle.
Every known variety of the specie of the genus homo came to view Impresario
Campbell who with the air of conscious conviction of the super producer, attired in
regulation cutaway, perambulated in the spacious foyer.
The audience viewed the genuflexions and alluring poses of the embalmers and
funeral directors carefully stationed, and a good time was had by all.
Not a "Stiff" in Sight!
What a pity that divine personification of perfection from the Limburger re-
gions was not among those present?
Unfortunately the cohorts of Kaiser Bill were not in especial favor on the
occasion, and Frank had not yet annexed the Baer to his coterie of select morticians.
Well folks, after the ball was over, when the primal dip in spring water and
the cocktail of creation had lost its potency and become obscure in the medulla
oblongata of F.E.C, the tocsin call of creditors could be vividly heard echoing among
the objects of art decorating this veritable haven for decedents.
Campbell was deeply aggrieved.
Gotham's dead for some reason or other declined the hospitality of this gallip-
Frank threw back his leonine head and worked his manly jutting chin in pitiful
supplication to the tune "Where Do We Go From Here Boys."
Oft' he joined the nymphs and water sprites across the way at the Marie An-
toinette. These were days of abject poverty for Mrs. Campbell, who did all that
was humanly possible to preserve the seemingly doomed gesheft even to the extent
of piloting a duster and such other sanitary addenda with her own palms and digits.
Eventually a cadaver or two found its way into 1970. Frank became more cheer-
ful. He at once installed a new efficiency man, this time a Mister Miller.
One bright summer's day (the year 1916) while our hero Frank Campbell was
resisting the passionate wooing of the United States District Court and simultan-
eously giving the I.O.U. variety of papyrus the once over, the U. S. Mail delivered
a formidable pronunciamento.
Broadway Brevities 27
This assiduously declared that a casket company in Hagerstown, Md. had suc-
cumbed to the jurisdiction of the U. S. District Court, as a corpus qui non est sol-
vendo, and thus had for conveyance, by bill of sale, some twelve hundred ( 1200)
Gentlemen, this is the most important announcement Campbell ever received.
Frank regarded this with little force but great acrimony. Said he, "This is
certainly the Cat's meow of a boob beguiler" — this wins the formaldehyde eyebrow
Mrs. Campbell who was occupying a seat in juxtaposition to her formidable
spouse, with her sharp-eyed, clear visualizing craftsmanship and feminine intuition
exclaimed "Frank, for God's sake, get an airship! You're holding four aces and a
iokcr against a laydoti-n, with the dealer chloroformed and a flush up your slcci'c!"
Miller, the efficiency man, was the meditative flower with money making acumen
who threw innumerable hand grenades of optimism and arguincntum in favor of
scooping this offering.
The noble Frank refused to be worked up to the proper pitch of agreeable
response — and wiped a melancholy nose.
While Frank was hooking his bicuspids over the brim of a container of prophy-
latic seltzer lemonade, disporting himself on the average plan, this prophesier Miller,
boarded a train for Hagerstown Maryland, and in spite of, in privation, without
presignifying to, the omnipotent omniscent, that he intended so to do, signed the
dotted line as agento for hero Frank.
Did Frankie open wide the doors, and clean the mat of his heart to Miller, the
crystal gazing clairvoyant occult, who through supernormal thought photography
had visualized the hundreds of thousands in wampum his unappreciative and un-
willing "Castor" was to liquidate directly from this Montross transaction???
In the language of Margaret of the Navarre Hotel, that's another story !
A large quantity of chilly air greeted Achates Miller — He was called every-
thing down to a dish of beaten whites of eggs.
Frank Turns in a Holler to Mohammed
Think of it!!! after closing a deal procuring 1200 montross caskets at 10 iron
washers per throw, which same Montross subsequently brought as quid pro quo, 3200
gold simoleons at occasion, you could hear the ozone reverberate to the tune of
Frank's cuss words for blocks — culminating with Miller being directed to the nearest
When later, Frank pocketed $1,000-$2,000-$3,000 per "sarcoph" for these sar-
cophagii, he smacked his lips and made post facto declamations about how all wise
and prognostic his associates were !
But, at the time under consideration, Frank was obliged to go out and hustle
up some 20,000 pesos to pay for these carloads of Montross.
Not wishing to engender a case of justifiable homicide, we shall refrain from
revealing the identity of the gendarme who supplied the mazuma.
Even with the 2,000 Montross containers gloomily stacked in his burial depot,
will you, dear reader, pause for a moment and think of the situation by which Bre'r
Campbell was confronted.
2,000 Montrosses piled row on row — and not a funeral in sight! Water, water
everywhere but not a corpse to plant. Bre'r Campbell felt like the Admiral of the
Swiss Navy. He felt like an Esquimaux with a thousand tons of ice presented to
him as a Xmas gift. He felt like a dealer in fireworks on the 3rd of July who has
just bought through a misunderstanding three carloads of cannon crackers. Des-
perate diseases required desperate remedies — and down on his knees he went.
28 Broadway Brevities
Knowing that God would never approve this "bargain sale" of coffins, he de-
cided to address Mohammed instead. He had heard that Mohammed's coffin was
suspended 'twixt heaven and earth, and suspected that if anyone would be in a posi-
tion to understand an undertaking deal Mohammed would be the boy.
. "BEHOLD THY SERVANT," he prayed to the Moslem oracle. "Behold thy
servant with 1200 perfectly good Montross containers on hand, slipped over at an
average of ten fish apiece! And not a case of Bright' s disease, floating kidney,
valvular lesion or artcrio sclerosis anywhere in sight! Rcmcmberest thou the Hebrew
faithful who prayed unceasingly for manna, Elijah on his Chinese forty days and
nights supplicating a rainfall, Jonah in the whale's intestines — lo, thy servant is in
harder case than any of these. Thy servant prays that thou, therefore, may send
pestilence, .famine and flood upon Manhattan, that its boivels may erupt in earthquake,
that not one stone be left upon another— FOR THE MONTROSSES MUST BE
FILLED OR I PERISH!" But let thy servant add the important postscript that
thine Angel of Destruction may pass by the threshold of 1970 Broadway, for other-
wise this deponent may be the first to occupy one of the overstock containers."
The Gigantic Hoax of the Three Nurses!
Having revealed the amiable hokus-pocus concerning the Montross transaction,
we now come to an occasion, the like of which has ne'er been recorded in the annals
of fact or fiction— one of the most incredible and in the opinion of this chronicler,
one of the basest deceptions inflicted upon a galaxy of belauding unrelated bereaved.
It is the notorious episode of the Three Nurses. These three ardent and self-
sacrificing angels of mercy had started out on the long trek to minister in the
trenches of France to the brave boys suffering and dying there.
They sailed on the transport "Mongolia" from Hoboken. And with no thought
of the awful tragedy that was, a few hours later, to offer up their own lives in
melancholy oblation. A defective gun aboard the transport exploded — snuffing out
their lives in the twinkling of an eye.
Their lifeless forms were brought back to New York — to the establishment of
Frank E. Campbell.
Did F.E.C. cherish and eulogise, as a patriot might, the glorious remains of
these heroic dead?
Did F.E.C. unbend upon this remorseless retrospection?
Did F.E.C. fete champetre this splendid sacrifice?
Did he abandon and sink his unholy thirst for funerals — forget for a moment
the remunerative value of the occasion?
Not on your greasy vest ! He licked his lips, and began at once to plan for
another of the advertising stunts that are his pet specialty. Deep down in the throat
a hoarse but gleeful chuckle connoted that the Associated Press would have
assault without quarter.
The intrinsically inconsequential factor that the bodies of these heroines were
lying in state at Campbell's ponderously was emphasized and made the shibboleth
and battle cry of Campbell and his press agents.
Photographs pictorially portraying the chambers of Campbell were grappled by
the dailys in which our hero had entry. Finally the bountiful and beneficent human-
itarian advertised that a "Special Service" would be held over the Three Nurses
at 8 p.m.
But listen to the HOKE !
Before the clock in Campbell's had struck 7 on this eventful evening the bodies
of the three martyr nurses, in execution of definite and direct instructions from their
Broadway Brevities 29
bereaved, were upon trains headed for western destinations — en route to the homes
they had once inhabited and adorned.
NOW — Frank Campbell knew this ! His associates, employees, aides and con-
federates KNEW that at 8 p.m. the bodies were 50 miles away from the Funeral
Church ! ! !
.Did they advise and notify the bono publico? Was a plain and Frank explana-
tion given? In the patois of the pave, DID THEY TELL ANYBODY?
Not .on your double-grip garters!
At 8 p.m. the chapel of the Funeral Church was jammed to overflow with an
assembly of unrelated bereaved, in acceptance of this invitation to pay respects to
the three girls who had made the supreme offering upon the altar of patriotism.
A dignified assembly of heterogeneous people hoked into coming so that the
impressiveness of this holy occasion would result in practical and direct advertising
of the audacious and enterprising burial foundry !
Among those present were the usual number of Nosey-Persons, Butt-Ins, Curious
and Inquisitive females who idealize great grief and sorrow.
Here was Campbell's opportunity!!
Unblushingly, three empty caskets were painstakingly arranged before the altar
in the chapel.
The spectators and assembled congregation were shamefully misled and deceived
into supposing that these empties, contained the bodies of the deceased in whose
sacred memory they were thus witness, and adding defamation to unequivocal decep-
tion, the red white and blue emblem of these United Provinces, was draped about
these hollow coffins, while the organ tooted doloroso.
An administro servio, a Clerus with his flowing and pious robes, ambulated amid
these beguiling symbols of treachery, making mesmeric passes the while he expostu-
lated, and fortissimo delivered a requiem, with a well directed aim at the tear ducts
of these hoodwinked, emotional worshippers.
We told a little way back of Campbell's prostration on his Chinese before
Mohammed, praying for pestilence, flood and famine to ease him out of his hole
on the overstock of Montrosses.
Mohammed was hep — and Frank's supplications blossomed in one of the most
devastating epidemics of Influenza in all time.
Lowering the curtain on this perfidy, we now pass on to the following Fall.
The Great Epidemic That "Made" Frank
The Fall ushered in the slimy oozing morbus of pestilentia — The ghastly life-
destroying bacteria, which proved a Belshazzars Feast for our casket trafficker.
The economic law of supply and demand disported itself to the uttermost rami-
fication of unholy greed.
Frank was the solitary affluent mercator of arcula idis, independent of the closely
pooled organizations, and consequently the bewildered and grief-stricken flocked to
1970, in panicky hosts.
Cadavers were removed to 1970, in touring cars — in wagons — in every form of
And so many as 48 decedents in a single day were transported to F.E.C.'s head-
Campbell doubled his staff and simultaneously doubled their pay.
The increase in honorarium was chiefly expended for 160 proof Schnapps and
wassail for flu prevention. And these aides wobbled about utterly exhausted while
a trio of hardy persons with vulpine vivacity shoveled the wampum into special
receptacles provided for this purpose.
30 Broadway Brevities
At such intervals when the modish sum of $2,000 or more of gold simoleons
was received in payment for one of the above-mentioned Montross caskets, the thud
of the aforesaid $2,000 landing in the old sock could be heard rebounding through
the entire building.
The U. S. Mint by comparison, resembled a game of poker with a five cent
Campbell cleared his obligations with spontaneity.
During this reign of horror, Anna Held, Harold Lockwood. Paul Keith, Frank
W. Woolworth. and numerous other celebrities, succumbed, and were buried from
our hero's establishment. All of which added great prestige, prominence and con-
siderable stretching of the rubber band around the already distended roll.
Naturally, this overflow of trade brought with it a number of pardonable mis-
haps — such as :
Dropping an occupied casket by pall-bearers.
Occupied Montross falling from wagon enroute to cemetery.
Losing all trace of a sweet deceased for several days, the while he reposed
among the bric-a-brac, and impedimenta embellishing the spacious basement.
The horrifying spectacle of a Campbell subject rising suddenly in his container
at the critical moment when his sorrowing widow had expressed a desire to gaze
once more long and lingeringly upon his inanimate visnomy.
But. with all this — our illustrious comrade, prior to the annexation of Berthold
A. Baer. was Virtue and Purity itself.
This Prussian compared to Campbell would be like comparing Trotsky to Lloyd
George — and I beg pardon of Trotsky for even mentioning him in comparison with
the cdius Berthold.
(The Baer facts will be published iu the September issue.)
"Stop your crying Stella ! He wasn't worth a dam anyway !"
"1 always gets up and says just what's on my mind!"
"He used to 'cruise' up and down the Commons when we played Boston last
"Yes — but not the kind of strip polka you mean!"
"If she's eighteen, then I'm fifty!"
"Adventuress roles, my eye ! You'd be suited to nothing but the lowest comedy !"
"Get away from me you big slob!"
"Think up something exciting and I'll go cut withya, 'cause I'm sick of women !"
"Did you see the look she i^ive me?"
"You oughta be glad you wasn't with us last night. Myrtle, 'cause everybody
got cock-eyed drunk I
"If that faggot starts anything with me I'll lay him out!"
"Wherdja take my girl friend Saturday evening. Carter? She didn't get home
"I've gotten so now that I don't give a dam what happens!"
"What kind of grease paint are you using Paula? I like Spencer's the best
'cause it always stays hard !"
"I ain't saying much. Pansy, but I got my suspicions of how she got the part !"
"That's the worse of getting too familiar with them stage hands."
"Slip something over you, girls, the man from the gas company is coming up
to look at the meter !"
"I'll have to tell Mother I'm spending the night at Margaret's '."
"Let your conscience be your guide. Dearie!"
"Good night, you lease houns!"
SECRETS OF HAIR AND BEAUTY REVEALED BY MERKE. 512 FIFTH AVENUE
Broadway Brevities 31
Jay Brennan is to present his partner,
Bert Savoy, in a series of Shakesperian
matinees. Mr. Savoy will play "Rosa-
lind." for one thing. No mention is made
of the remainder of the cast, but we
presume Lester Sheehan will be to the
fore in an important role.
HOW ABOUT A CLEAN-UP AT
We've long commented on the cor-
ridors of the Biltmorc Hotel as a stamp-
ing ground for women who make the
picking up of men a business. Our own
observation is confirmed by an incident
the other day, ending in the police court.
Kathleen Champion, twenty, of Newark,
accused by Mariano Agramanti of steal-
ing $21.00 from him in a taxi, admitted
that she bad joined him through a flirta-
tion at the Biltmore. Witli our own
eyes we have watched many such junc-
tions near "Lovers Corner" in the Bilt-
more corridors. Wouldn't it be a good
idea for that apparently horse-and-sports-
mad gentleman, John McK. Bowman, to
do a little summer house-cleaning in his
hotel r His foyer has been for several
years the Mecca of the demimondainc.
* * *
Electric Chair for Cockroaches Fails
to Work in Court — The Globe. Since it
failed to work, why didn't they call in
the old cockroach expert, Don Marquis?
If he can't put cockroaches in order, no
one else need hope.
* * *
Not that it makes the slightest differ-
ence, but Zane Grey, scenario sleuth, has
a country home of 600 acres in Lacka-
waxen. Pike County, Pa. Says he spends
"part of the year" thereon. Why not
spend your entire time there, Zane? We
mean — but you know, Zane, what we're
trying to hint at!
A FEW KIND WORDS TO HUGO
Does that good old German-Jewish
name of Riesenfeld run true to form?
It looked that way when, two or three
weeks ago, the irritating Hugo inflicted
upon his American audience at the Rivoli
a long series of news reel views of Yon
Hindenburg and the German army. We
understand there were expressions of in-
dignation in the theatre, unmistakably
composed of groans and hisses, and
Hugo's "nerve" was rather informally
commented on. But Hugo has the nerve
of a Big Bertha — and the most incurable
case of egomania outside the psychopathic
wards. We would advise him to think
twice before he insults and disgusts New
Yorkers with further projections of what
might well be disguised Prussian propo-
Only ONE PLACE
To Go in Greenwich Village!
181 Sullivan Street
Entertainment and Dancing !
Ycu'! 1 love it. Artistic surroundings, every-
thing spotlesslv clean; finest food in America.
ANEW DANCE FLOOR, a noted Orchestra
GAYETY, and FLO HAUSER (from
Reisenweber's), and Jack Smith Sing.
Phone Jimmy, Spring 4-2-4-2 for a Table!
32 Broadu-ay Brevities
"THE TALE OF A LITTLE DOG"
SCENE: — The Den in Johnnv Hoagland's new home on East 80th St.
TIME:— About 6 p.m.
MALE • . IN BETWEEN FEMALE
Johnny A "Follies" Girl A Blonde Tramp
A Big Bum A Red-Headed Tramp
A Little Bum A Tramp From Brooklyn
The Broadway Bum The Applesauce Kid
— and The Radiophone —
THE RADIO:— "STATION P.D.Q., NEWARK, NEW JERSEY. JUST
A MINUTE PLEASE."
JOHNNY: — "This is positively the last bottle, Goddamit, the house is going
BUMS and TRAMPS:— "Ha, Ha, Ha!"
JOHNNY : — "No, uuh, I'm going broke — had to sell my house — Svvanstrom
bought it." Damn good house — but I need the money.
THE TRAMP FROM BROOKLYN :— "Give me twenty dollars, Johnny for
a taxi home."
JOHNNY:— "B.O.T., you stay with me— Tickle my feet."
THE RADIO :— "EEEEeeeeeSqxzzzeeeOW ! STATION P.D.Q. WE
HAVE WITH US TONIGHT MR. FRANK VAN HOVEN WHO WILL TELL
US A SANDMAN STORY ENTITLED—THE TALE OF A LITTLE DOG*
zzzzzzzzQQQ I TAKE GREAT PLEASURE IN INTRODUCING MR.
VAN HOVEN owwowWOW !
THE APPLESAUCE KID:— "Hasn't he got a nice voice, I wonder if he
looks like Rudolf Valentino?"
THE FOLLIES GIRL:— "You like dark meat, don't you I hear that
Larry Ceballos is going to marry Bee Savage, who used to be on the Roof. They
won't have much money but ain't we got fun"
THE BROADWAY BUM :— "Speaking of marriage, I understand that the
Royal Family of Great Britain narrowly averted a social catastrophe by delaying
the Prince of Wales' return home until just after Dorothy Clark sailed for New
JOHNNY: — "Can't you forget that girl? She's forgotten you alright, alright.
Find 'em, fool 'em and forget 'em — that's me I"
THE BROADWAY BUM.:— "Well— Gimme another drink."
THE LITTLE BUM :— "Yeah, and Mrs. DINGLE is still in Paris. I'll bet
there's something in that divorce rumor after all.
THE RADIO:— "GOOD EVENING SOAKS— er I MEAN FOLKS. TO-
NIGHT, I AM GOING TO TELL YOU THE TALE OF A LITTLE DOG
ONCE THERE WAS A LITTLE DOG, A LITTLE LAP DOG, A
DAINTY LITTLE THING WITH LONG EARS AND A DROOLING
THE FOLLIES GIRL:— "I've got a dog like that."
THE BLONDE TRAMP:— "Oh say, Johnny, I was on the party that Harry
Payne Whitney gave the night Wiskaway won. It was at the Vandcrbilt and talk
about wild parties ! This was so terrible I wouldn't even dare tell you about it.
But Gertie G got $2,000 out of it and she's still hanging on for more."
THE APPLESAUCE KID:— "Well, that was a pretty good party that Sanchez
gave on his fast yacht the other day. When the girls arrived in the tender, Al Davis
was diving off the stern and if he had a bathing suit on, nobody noticed it.
JOHNNY: — "Who was on the party?"
THE APPLESAUCE KID:— "Oh, there was Helen Slyfield, Lea Kuba, Ruth
and Rose Taylor, Al Davis, Nick Somcthing-or-other, Art Swanstrom and — Oh,
a raft of fellows and girls I don't know — We got the captain so drunk, it's a wonder
we ever made port.
Broadway Brevities 33
Direction. M. S. Bentham
THE BLONDE TRAMP :— "Well, if Helen Slyfield was along, Johnny
Wichert must have heen there."
THE APPLESAUCE KID:— "No, I understand that's cold. Helen is back
with Billy Butler."
THE RADIO:— "Now, THE YOUNG MAN WAS A VERY NICE YOUNG
MAN AND HE WAS VERY MUCH IN LOVE WITH THE YOUNG LADY
SO WHEN HE SAW THE CUTE LITTLE DOG HE DECIDED TO BUY
THE CUTE LITTLE DOG AND GIVE THE CUTE LITTLE DOG TO THE
YOUNG LADY TO PROVE HIS LOVE."
THE RED-HEADED TRAMP:— "Hot Dog! Did you hear about the scrap
between Battling May Devereaux and Elsa Peterson the night the Cantor Show
closed at the Winter Garden. This Peterson dame has been pulling the 'Ambassador'
all through the run and May had it in for her. Believe me, she took it out Saturday
night with Betty Marshall and the rest of that quiet, dignified crowd cheering her on.
JOHNNY: — "I don't want any of those girls around here — er Goddamit er —
They get to fighting and wreck my place."
THE RADIO:— "SO HE GAVE THE LITTLE DOG TO THE YOUNG
LADY AND SHE WAS GLAD TO GET THE LITTLE DOG AND SHE
STARTED IN TO TRAIN THE LITTLE DOG AND TEACH THE LITTLE
DOG TRICKS ZZZZzzzzzzSQUEEE !
THE FOLLIES GIRL:— "What I'd like to know is. now that the O K— -
matter is all settled up and the Wiley girl got all that money to lay off, why didn't
Fay get hers?
THE BLONDE TRAMP:— "Oh, the lawyers scared her off by threatening a
lot of publicity."
34 Broadway Brevities
THE BIG BUM: — "Toby" was mixed up in that case, wasn't he? Now, that
his wife's out of town. I suppose lie's reorganizing up in Sue Dinglebat's house.
And Lobbygow Earnest pavs no rent at Bill's.
THE RADIO :— "WHEN THE LITTLE DOG HAD LEARNED A LOT
OF NEW TRICKS HE WAS ABLE TO GREATLY AMUSE THE YOUNG
LADY AND SHE SPENT A LOT OF TIME WITH THE LITTLE DOG."
JOHNNY: — "Say. what's become of that Peggy Freeman girl?"
APPLESAUCE KID:— Oh, she went down to Coney Island with Ike the
Geezer and the Harlem slugger, and she got a broken leg.
JOHNNY: — "I "don't believe in girls drinking. It makes them crazy, hummm?
It makes them steal ! I won't have it around my place, hummm ?
THE RADIO:— "AND THE NICE YOUNG MAN WHO LOYED THE
YOUNG LADY SAW LESS AND LESS OF HER BECAUSE SHE WAS
MORE AND MORE WITH THE LITTLE DOG.
THE BROADWAY BUM :— "It's a tough life! Henry Clivc called me up
today. He says she can feel the baby kick now. Here's luck to him !
JOHNNY: — "Clive Logan's in town. His father died and left him a Stude-
THE RADIO:— AND THE NICE YOUNG MAN WAS VERY SAD BE-
CAUSE THE LITTLE DOG HAD CUT HIM OUT THE MORAL IS:
NEVER GIVE A LITTLE DOG TO YOUR LADY FRIEND.
THE LITTLE BUM : — "They tell me that since that story appeared in the
last BREVITIES, Collins gave Marion the air and she has resumed negotiations
with Joe Baker.
THE RADIO:— "STATION P.D.Q., AT NEWARK. NEW JERSEY
THERE WILL BE AN INTERMISSION OF THIRTY MINUTES AT
SEVEN P. M., MADAM LAPASNOOZA WILL PLAY THE FLUTE
ssssqueccEEEEEEEE zzz zuck tick-ta-tick.
JOHNNY:— "No. that's positively the last bottle Well, ugh!— Maybe
there's one more OSWALD, are you THERE?
There is a "Sport Review" being
shown in the movie houses at the pres-
ent time, purporting to be a picture of
boyhood days, stated to be "edited" by
Grantland Rice. We suppose, therefore,
that Mr. Rice is responsible for the dis-
gusting incorporation in the different
scenes of colored boys — about as notori-
ous a sample of bad taste as we have
seen in a long time. If the censors
passed this effusion of Mr. Rice's then
let us tell them they have o.k.'d a bit of
rank indecency, offensive to the majority
of picture audiences.
ANOTHER DANCE-HALL SHOOT-
The dance halls continue to sustain
their reputation as dens of vice and
criminality. Not long ago there was a
near-riot in Stauch's hoofing foundry at
Coney Island when William Dorscy, of
Brooklyn, was shot in the right arm.
Someone named Yctter had objected to
the way Dorsey was dancing, and the
altercation resulted in the gun practice.
Dorsey was held in $1,000 bail in Coney
Island Court and another hoofing hyena
on an assault charge. Why don't they
place a sign over the door of the dance
halls : "Park your cannons in the check
room" — it might save a lot of target
work. But, best of all, why not close
the dance halls entirely, and thereby wipe
out over half the felonies reaching the
courts and more than half of the seduc-
tions of young, unprotected girls?
* * *
So Evan Burrowes spilled the soup
on "Sonny" Whitney- at last! Why
don't "Sonny's" lawyers interview
Russell Colt. "Dad Knows!"
* * *
Picking up "La Vic Parisicnne" the
other day we were amused to find ad-
vertised therein CREME TOKALON,
the nostrum formerly floated in this
country by E. Virgil (Nuxated Iron)
Neal. Can you beat that guy?
* * *
Who was it cashed Pearl G.'s cute
little check for her, made out to "Cash"
and signed Babe R ? Is Pearl
helping out on the mound?
DON'T BE BALD— MERKE, 512 FIFTH AVENUE— TELLS HOW TO AVOID IT
Broadii'ay Brevities 35
FLO IS HEARD FROM
The Stillman case having dropped oui
of the front pages, many arc wondering
where that important member of the
genus homo, Flo Leeds, can be. Well,
we're going to tell you. Flo is in Paris,
and according to all accounts percolating
through is having the time of her young
life. They do say that a certain Ameri-
can millionaire is keeping Flo's trail hot,
but that he is far from being the only
gudgeon in the lake, as Flo is said to
be cutting a swathe across town that
makes even the veteran Parisians gasp.
"VESK" A CHRISTIAN SCIENTIST
You may or may not be aware that
Valeska Surratt, now in the Winter
Garden "Spice of 1922." is an ardent
Christian Scientist, having according to
reports taken up this study two or three
years ago. Vesk is the old side-kick of
Aimcc Crocker Gouraud, who was the
female Diamond Jim of first-nights, and
many were the midnight parties at Mrs.
Gouraud's old town house in the West
50's at which Yesk was the star guest
and frivoler. We used to hear of those
parties, but never could write anything
about them for the simple reason it is
almost impossible to print BREVITIES
on asbestos stock. However, new times
new manners, and so we find the once
vamping and galumping Yesk turned to
the pages of Old Mother Eddy for con-
solation and penitence. It is said that
one of the bitterest sorrows of Vesk's
life is that no baby fingers have ever
caressed her throat, and of course the
unfeeling venom of the years has made
that luxury now presumably impossible.
But hope never dies, and in the sup-
positious necromancy of Christian Science
who knows but that the old dear still
seeks for a miracle. For you all know
of that Scriptural miracle associated with
the mother of Jesus, and realising the
credulity of the adherents of that gigan-
tic fabric of hokum and idiocy. Christian
Science, there is no way of setting bounds
to the hallucinations of its devotees.
LINDY'S STAGES A SCRAP
Is Lindy's delicatessen foundry on
Broadway, near Fiftieth street, out to
tie the championship scrapping honors
hitherto held by that jovial soul, Aaron
Reuben? Judging by an incident the
other evening it looks that way. Two
guys, coming out of Lindy's, apparently
full of something besides Loganberry
juice, expressed a desire for a cab other
than the one the liveried dingc in front
wished to push on them. After a brief
altercation the dinge got a wallop on
the jaw, seemingly a proper reward for
"talking back," and the local constabu-
lary of course soon appeared. However,
the dinge did not want to go to the
station to press the charge and the at-
tackers bundled into their favorite taxi
and drove off. If that sweet soul, Mr.
Linderman (alias Lindy) doesn't watch
out he may one of these nights have a
race war in progress out front.
* * *
Does Perle Gcrmond ever hold noisy
parties in her flat?
* * *
Wasn't Mac Deveraux prominent
among the battling chorines in that final
melee on the night of the closing of the
Eddie Cantor show? And who owned
the hair parked all over the sidewalk at
7th and 50th?
* * *
Ever hear of the guy whose wife was
so fat he had to put sand in the bed to
keep her from falling out?
* * *
FRIGHTFUL COMING EVENTS
Hey Broun's novel to be published this
Fall. It's his first, and the title is "The
Bov Grew Older." Can it refer to
Long new narrative poem, by Edwin
Arlington Robinson, also to be published
in the Fall.
PROFESSOR ALOIS MERKE— 512 FIFTH AVENUE— CURES BALDNESS
36 Broadway Brevities
OH, YOU TWO MEAN BRUTES!
Talk about your grouchy hubbies, but
Los Angeles has just turned out a win-
ner. Lee Moran, screen comedian, all
smiles on the flickers but worser'n ten
wildcats at home, is sued by his wife
Esther for divorce. She says that in
addition to being .intoxicated "for the
last four years" he —
Kicked about her being a spendthrift
Kicked about, the food bill
Kicked about her cooking
Kicked her out of bed
Kicked her downstairs
Kicked about the way she raised the baby
Kicked because she wouldn't kick in the
Kicked so much on a train she had to
find another berth
Kicked about the climate
Slapped her face.
In short, not just the kind of a chum
you'd pick out for a rainy afternoon.
We'll bet he suffers from either car-
buncles or intestinal poisoning.
* * *
But here's another hubby, if anything,
worse than Lee. He's Leo Bernheimer
(no relative of George do you think?)
of 238 East 87th street, Manhattan.
What do you suppose was Leo's par-
ticular brand of unsociability? Well,
just listen. He'd take his side-dish
Tillie Zinc, living on the same street,
and walk her right past his wife, emit-
ting cat-calls, laughing loudly and occa-
sionally flipping a roll of bills right
across his wife's nose! While doing
this latter he emitted the meows. If
that wouldn't sour any wife's disposi-
tion we give up. But there's a big laugh
in the tragedy, and the laugh is "Tillie
Far from the madding crowd and the
scene of her success at the Cohan theatre
Estelle Penning and her nice mumma are
spending the summer way down in Nova
Scotia, at Lower Argyle. near Yarmouth.
Estelle promised to send us some jottings
from the land of the bluenose, but we
s'pose she'll forget.
* * *
A word of appreciation for that pop-
ular manager. Jimmie Merrill, of the
BOARDWALK, whose veteran skill
makes the big place run like clock-work.
And don't forget his able aides, George
Berryman and Henry Surtes.
Follow the Green or Yellow Poles To
Centreport, Long Island
Eetween Huntington and Northport
Famous Shore Dinners
Sea Food, Steaks, and
Long Island Chickens
Service al a Carte at all Hours
Telephone 90 Northport
MUSIC & DANCING
Broadway Brevities 37
Did you ever encounter, clear of those '
really great writers Nathan and Mencken,
such a collection of nit-wits as someone
unhappily named "Burton Rascoe" (we
always think of Bosco — eats 'em alive!)
gets each Sunday in his page of person-
alia in the trying Tribune? Who are
they and whence came they — these nit-
wits he mentions? Most of them seem
to be disturbed about the young intel-
lectuals. Are the young intellectuals
right or wrong in their literary modes;
what can we hope for from them; is it
nice of them to trample on the classic
tradition ? Stuff like that. We have per-
haps no right to preen our bright feath-
ers as an authority on the question. But
if we had our way we would place all
the young intellectuals carefully in a
large canvas bag, tie it securely and slip
it into the Hudson. We would take
especial care that not one vers IU're poet
or Cubist escaped the sack. Sherwood
Anderson, Amy Lowell and Horace
Brodzky would go in the very bottom
of the bag, for we wouldn't want to take
the faintest chance of their escape. Mr.
Rascoe. himself, we would save, for he
does seem to be in a hopeful twilight
state between Free Verse and the Fool
Killer. In any case he could be safely
held over to the 1923 jettisoning.
* * *
Lucille Ballantine is a busy girl. Be-
sides rehearsing for "The Passing Show
of 1922," Lucille is taking vocal lessons.
"THE CAT AND THE CANARY"
Talk about your old-time "thrillers,"
with spooks and lonely manors and hands
clutching out of walls and midnight vil-
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lains and mysterious wills and young and
lovely heroines exposed to murder and
sudden death— just run in and see "The
Cat and the Canary." The reason we
feel glum about it is to see beautiful
young Sylvia Field the target for these
multitudinous horrors. And at dead of
night, too. Horrors are bad enough,
but at dead of night — ugh! However,
Henry Hull, valiant wight, is there to
save her, and all ends swell. Let us
add how much the sprightly and pretty
Sylvia contributes to the popularity of
Broadway's astonishing hit.
* * *
What was it the bell hops of a famous
Fifth Avenue hotel used to whisper and
laugh about every day when the bride
of a big tobacco merchant — now divorced
— used to walk in such an apparently
weakened condition from the lift? What
caused this weakened condition, and was
it the real secret and basis of the divorce
not so many weeks ago? And aren't
some men terrible?
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WINDY CITY WHISPERS
In the way of reminiscence, remember
Rexford Burnett who played the role of
"Billie Benson" in East is H'est for about
six months? Well, Rexie divorced his
wife about a year ago, and a pretty five-
year-old girl calls 'em pop and mum.
Wifie is now known as Vera and is said
to be the original manicure lady at the
Morrison Hotel barber shop in Chi.
Such beautiful, ahem! legs Vera hath
that she once won a contest for these
same interesting fixtures, the photo of
the b.l. being printed and circulated for
commercial purposes by a well known
hosiery firm. Vera is now said to be
knocking 'cm all dead in the line of
* * *
Another little bird flies in from Chi
and twitters about Sylvia Twining, a
former jewel in the beauty constellation
at Ernie Young's Marigold Gardens.
After 'this Sylvia resolved she would
ditch the incandesccnts and so she hied
herself, like a good wee girlie, to the
sales counter in Marshall Field & Co.'s.
But. after the twinkling lights, it was
too hard work so she quit and has gone
back to her goody — name unknown — who
she calls "The Sheik." He has a car
'n ever 'thin', and it's the end of a perfect
* * *
Al Herman tells some of his best jokes
out of town, and the following is a
sample. Al says he was standing in
front of a Chicago theatre one day. when
he saw a guy jump off the L platform
to the street. Al walked over and asked
him why he did such a crazy thing, and
gave him a bawling out. The gink turned
on him ferociously and said : "I had a
bet on with myself. They say that a
fairv can fly and 1 wanted to see."
News of "Babe" Lavalle. who used to
decorate the Strand Roof hoofing foun-
dry, and is said to have been a great
favorite of the managers thereat. Well,
Babe has shifted her locale to Chicago,
playing there in the chorus of "For
Goodness Sake." As ususal she plays
the heavy roll admirers, the present in-
cumbent being reported with more Jack
than the First National. The "Babe,"
unfortunately, is getting fat — yes, fat —
but wears a smile as big as the Loop.
* * *
And Helen Paine, wife of Jerry
Hitchcock, you'll be pleased to learn, is
right in the ■ same chorus as "Babe."
She used to do time at the Strand jazz
factory. Hubby, as per usual, is very
popular with everyone and infatuated
pink with his clever wife. But why did
Helen withdraw her radiance from
What prominent shareholder in a fam-
ous revue, risen from obscurity and not
so long since married to a beautiful pro-
fessional, has been taking his pleasures
away from the fireside with Billy W.?
And wasn't it softer for Billy than with
the New Jersey broker? (Pardon us
for saying broker ! ) And isn't the "prom-
inent shareholder" sitting on pins for
fear Corrie may get wise to the whole
* * *
Is it true that Little Russie Colt, at
present said to be the new and infatuated
cavalier of Jessie Reid. signs his love-
notes to the divinity. "Ducky?" Tis
said that on phones to the Great North-
ern he always croons. "Yes, this is
'Ducky' clear." Wonder did he sign
himself "Goosie" during the period of
his long siege to long-legged Evan Bur-
rows? That old kid did sure keep the
trail hot for a while. But leave it to
Jessie when there's real work to be
* * *
"BLACK AND WHITE"
Nothing to do with taxi companies,
but a little glimpse into the far and near
past. And concerning your little play-
mates Nellie Black, of E. H. Fuller
BALDNESS PREVENTED BY QUARTZ RAYS— SEE MERKE, 512 FIFTH AVENUE
Broadway Brevities 39
notoriety, and Nellie White, the pretty
girl that poor Leon Langsfeld used to
drape himself around. Both pals, funny
to say — Black & White. Before Leon,
Nellie W. had a great admirer in the
corporeal substance and entity of Jack
Grubman, proprietor in the old days of
a noble liquor emporium at 10th avenue
and 44th street. The two Nellies used
to five together — in fact they may still
do so. Both are said to be of Polish
descent— -in fact might be sisters. Nellie
White is in any case a nice, congenial
girl, whom to know is to like, and if
there was no other reason for liking her
it would be supplied by her friendship
with our dear old dead pal, Leon. For
any wrong that he did he will no doubt
pay on that other shore, but the love
and grief of a few friends that knew
him well will surely find him a refuge
in God's mercy.
* * *
Now, the main question is — does Dotty
King love the fiddler?
Appropriate, wasn't it? Undertakers
Convention adjourns sine die.
OUR IDEA OF WASTED EFFORT
Burglarising a five and ten cent store.
* * *
Realizing that slang obtained widely
among the Greeks, we have often won-
dered who the low-brow was so often
referred to as Achille's "heel?"
* * *
"Bobbie," the belle of Perth Amhoy,
changes the color of her looks so fre-
quently that we have difficulty at times
recognizing her, particularly under the
shaded lights of the Broadway cafes.
For Tired and
Van Dyke Foot Oil
Made according to famous formulae
of Dr. L. LISSMAN. Chiropodist
Makes Walking Easy
VAN DYKE Pharmacy
1670 Broadway, Cor. 52nd Street
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Phone Circle 6643
'Tis reported on good authority that
Henry Harris (he of the sleek raven
hair) has settled down and married.
Rather funny, however, that he should
be glimpsed about in a foursome, which
included the ever-toddling Tot Quakers.
* * *
Oh we'll say that Hilda Ferguson is
getting on. 'Twas but a year or two
ago that she arrived in town from Balti-
more dumber than a dumb-bell, and that's
some dumb. Now she fights with man-
agers, producers, and such like, walks
out of shows and everything. Just a
clever girl and quick to learn.
* * *
Who sprung the leak on the 'two Texas
RUFUS Le MAIRE
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Motion Picture Enterprises
114 West 44th St. New York
40 Broadway Brevities
'DIRTY DAVE"— (Continued from page 20)
Funny thing, but on the very day of
the fight, Da.e had just stepped off a
train at the Grand Central, after an
extended visit to his dear wife in New
England of one whole evening
Damned if it isn't touching!
But the peak of Dave's experiences
was probably readied in the famous,
but hitherto unpublished, escapade of the
private detective of the G. N. hostelry.
Dave likes a body-guard, for the "rough
and dirty" has its perils, and on a certain
evening carried along body-guard Cook
to a celebration at Reisy's. Booze and
oaths flew thick and fast as usual, but
about five on Sunday morning the happy
little circle abruptly dispersed in a riot
when Betty accused Cook of the extrac-
tion from her corsage of a hundred
dollar bill. Dave, it seems, had gone
home, but Betty stuck and finally had
Cook trundled over to the night-court.
From this dismal location (on a phone
reading Bryant 3106) Cook phoned fran-
tically to his master and protector, Dave,
at his hotel. Dave had long since retired
to drunken dreams, leaving a warning
not to be disturbed, but frantic appeals
to the switchboard wren got the call
through. Dave hastily donned his gal-
luses, taxied unto the station and took
Cook out of hock. Nothing more was
heard of the incident. The p.d. got fired.
Among Dave's favorite phone numbers
are said to be Julia Howell. Fitzroy
4900, and Miss "Williams." Wadsworth
4220. That cute little trick Jean Tyler,
reported to be a Hackensack telephone
girl, maintained an address at 3905 Broad-
Oh, here's a funny thing. We told
you in May issue about wifie and daugh-
ter suddenly showing up at Dave's hotel
one night, at the very moment a wild
party was in progress in his suite on
the 9th floor. As you recall Dave kept
'em waiting downstairs while he hur-
riedly got a lien on suite 1000, floor
above. Corsets, false hair and lipsticks
are said to have been draped around the
corridor outside 900 in amorous pro-
fusion. Well, the kick is that suite 1000
is said to be bomb — pardon we mean
sound-proof — one of those cells that many
of the hotels keep for snoring guests.
Since wifie's presence in Manhattan, of
course, the impenetrability of the walls
matters very little one way or the other.
Dave's been very "good" — that is ap-
parently — since his enormously better
half has been sojourning in Manhattan.
But like the renowned little lady of
childhood days when he's bad he's horrid.
While his alcoholic skirt parties can not
be conducted in his own quarters in the
57th street hostelry, yet his many boon
companions are only too glad to throw
open their menages to such a princely
bon vivant. And in these it is said the
austed "hookers" of the howling Forties
foregather at Dave's feasts of reason and
flows of hootch. His choicest diversion
is to discuss art, literature and the vinous
musical glasses. He loves to spend whole
evenings discussing the comparative
merits of Bach and Beethoven, the
literary status of Laura Jean Libbey and
the best way to cure boils without iodine
Oh, my yes ! But why did he
send sweet Madeleine Bailey to Buffalo,
on extended leave?
Postscript — It was all over long ago
with Vcrna Mitchell.
Charlie Cathcart graced the sands at
Castle's the other Sunday. Still the same
old phlegmatic Charlie !
Farl Lindsay is another of our Broad-
way celebs that has jumped the fatal
hurdle, the charming Missus being none
other than a dazzling little Cincinnati
Did it annoy Count Tsaky and his fair
companion to have Hitchy kid them as
they sat themselves down in the front
row at the Earl Carroll Theatre re-
ELECTRICALLY GENERATED LIGHT RAYS FOR HAIR— MERKE, 512 FIFTH AVENUE
Broadivax Brevities 41
There seems to be more in the hastily
exploded reports of the well known mil-
lionaire's secret marriage than has come
to the surface thus far in the newspaper
reports — which at best were somewhat
vague particularly regarding the bride's
antecedents. Nothing having been said
anent the latter's previous spouse, the
quidnuncs — high and low — are scurrying
about to discover whether he died, dis-
appeared or divorced.
* * *
The charming Helen Shaw of musical
comedy fame, recently underwent a pain-
ful but not serious operation for the
removal of her tonsils. Upon her return
from Southampton, where she is now
recuperating. Helen will make her ap-
pearance again in one of the new summer
* * *
Gertrude Spindler, the Cincinnati song-
bird, cancelled an eight-week's Canadian
tour last week, to jump into the prima
donna role role in the "Bathing Beach
Revue" at Murray's the production here-
tofore lacking in a voice of quality.
* * *
What broke up the love-match between
the world's champion hard-boiled egg,
Walter Windsor, and petite Helen Arm-
strong, who ought to know better, and
who lost her dear French daddy a few
weeks' ago ?
* * *
Well! Well! Well! Well! Dottie
Clarke is back in our midst again. Well !
Well ! Well ! Well ! Cyclone and hootch
cellars are being reorganized and re-
fitted, salesmen are dusting off the Rolls-
Royces, Tiffany's have sent a hurry order
for several carloads of cracked ice, and
real-estate operators are sleeping by their
phones waiting for Dotty 's call. Far in
the rear, a low. rumbling sound is heard,
making a noise like a set of blue-prints.
* * *
Why is Leonard Leeds off the wine
and wild women? Probably from the
sweepstakes participated in by his pop,
who was recently sued by Evelyn M.
Lewis for 100.000 emerald fish.
* * *
Talk about a couple of dizzy blondes,
how about "Birdie" and her sister in the
W. U. window at Broadway and 41st?
* * *
Who is the beautiful girl Jimmy
Auditore is seen with constantly — and
where does Jeanne E get her wop
dinners since he gave her the air?
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JOSEPH A. SUSSKIND Presents
The "International Revue"
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A Wonderful Array of International and American Artists
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Have you seen clever Felix Krembs
since he amputated that moustache?
* * *
Isn't Edythe Mannes (or Manners)
sailing under false colors as to her
nationality? Isn't it a fact that her dad
and other relatives run the "Hampton
Shops" and that "Mannes" might really
have been Mannix at one time?
* * *
Bet you missed seeing Oscar of the
Waldorf the night he was carrying that
lovely bundle in front of a well-known
vaudeville theatre, and his pal helping
his uncertain footsteps?
Frisco never gives us any advertising,
but we think he's the funniest guy in
the world. A friend in Chicago has just
sent us a few of his newest gags. Listen
to 'em :
Sitting in Henrici's at midnight he saw
Gus Edwards coining in. Frisco rose
from his chair and yelled loudly : "Ladies
and gentlemen, save your children !"
In the same cafe one night he noticed
a ham picking his teeth. He said : "Don't
do that — you may lay off next week."
Some thrce-a-day 60-per tried to get
familiar with Frisco. "Say," said Frisco,
I'll bet you haven't got your winter
underwear off yet."
Frisco was talking to a pretty girl
one night in the lobby of the Sherman
Hotel. When she left a friend remarked :
"Frisco, that's some doll — isn't she in
Lilies of the Field. By the way, do
you know what part she plays?" Frisco
replied: "I haven't seen the show b-b-but
I imagine she plays the F-F-Field."
Frisco told a Chicago acquaintance he
understood George White had married
Marie Dressier, but he di-di-di-didn't
He saw some chorus dames feeding
rolls to an old cab horse on Randolph
street. "S-s-say Girls," said Frisco,
"w-w-why don't you get him a cup of
CA S T O L D I
312 WEST 58th ST. Phone Columbus 8176 |
$ 1 DINNER ^oi^rf I
Special Italian Dishes A la Carte for Luncheon
iiiiiiiiiiiiniiiiii i iiiiiiiiiiiiiiin iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiuniiiiiiiiiiiiiiM
SOOTHING AND RESTFUL HAIR CULTURE— MERKE, AT 512 FIFTH AVENUE
Broadiuay Brevities 43
AN "EXPERIENCE" WITH MR.
EDWARDS DAVIS, "PHOMOTER"
Prominent in the wreckage at present
strewing the treacherous reefs of Wall
street is the battered hulk of Stillwell,
Leffler & Lowe. This firm was a mem-
ber of the Consolidated, and maintained
a branch office in the Knickerbocker
Building, the manager of which was your
old pal, Edwards Davis. Mr. Davis
started life as a minister of God. laying
aside the cassock to become, in turn,
novelist, poet, actor, playwright. Promp-
ter of the Green Room Club. President
of the N.V.A. and then stockbroker.
Now that his latest enterprise has gone
to smash in the failure of S. L. & Lowe,
it is said that he has taken up a new
promotion, even soliciting elevator men
to come in on "a sure thing." We feel
sure that the recital of one of his Knick-
erbocker Bldg. clients concerning her
"plunging" with Mr. Davis would prove
highly instructive and entertaining, not
to say disturbing, and we shall have the
young lady narrate it in our September
In a pensive pose, probably thinking
how nice it is to help adorn Sainmie
Salvia's wonderful "Boardwalk" show,
the talk of Broadway.
milium! iiiiiiiiiiiimiiiiiiiii! iimiiii i milium ';■; ■ i. ;:■ ■:;■, 'i:: :. . ! :' :i :: ■ :::: i:i! [[;;!:]iiiiiiiir[[[;i:]
PERMANENT HAIR WAVING
Under Personal Direction of Mr. Ernest
20 EXPERTS TO WAIT ON YOU
Phone either Shop for Appt.
Broadway Store Open Until 8 P. M. During Winter Season
44 Broadway Brevities
Wall Street's Gargantua. The man who put "Bulldog Jaw" and
"Commanding Personality" in the language. Tops the topless towers of
Ilium ; an animate Singer Building ; the Martian of Manhattan ; the super-
giant who could walk about the world using the Himalayas for a foot-
rest and the Alps for a writing-desk. Who, by allowing the emplacement
of the Lick Telescope on his hat, could in a moment allow the Mystery
of the Spheres to be solved. When he laughs it as the booming of the
breakers at Long Beach, as though Thor were welding another world on
his anvil, as if the Noise of Centuries were expressed in a single detona-
tion. Gazing upon this Apex of Altitude one feels as does the habitant
in a canoe beneath Cape Eternity. Yet the merry twinkle of eye, the
athletic grandeur of conformation, the mien, condescending yet imperial,
intrigue and fascinate. When this Olympian Oligarch stoops to the lowly
Phrynes of the Footlights, companioning and befriending them, amaze
dissolves in adoration, bewilderment in bonhomie, fair Venus rising in
splendor o'er the embattlement of White Rock, Schultze's Ginger Ale
and Iced Sarsaparilla. The Colossus of the Ticker accomplishing Trifles
GUS EDWARDS' INTERNATIONAL
REVUE AT MURRAY'S
was the sensation of the "re-opening"
there on the evening of the 21st. The
revue appears at both the dinner and
supper shows. Murray's is now under
the personal management of Jos. Suss-
kind, and is coming back to all its former
glory. It was packed by celebs on the
"re-opening" who witnessed a "hit" of
the first order. Gus Edwards has an
aggregation of artists known the world
over, and unique and surprising features
mark the show, which will be switched
every Sunday to Blossom Heath Inn,
also under Joe Susskind's expert manage-
* * *
What's the story of the "battle" be-
tween Dick Keene and Emma Haig,
which it is said has divided the "Music
Box" cast into two camps? After being
close pals so long, why allow a flossy
little blonde to start trouble between so
popular and clever a pair?
Why does Frank Van Hoven go home
to his bachelor apartment in the Claridge
every night and phone to some little
town way out in the west? — And does
Artie Swanstron's pleadings have any
effect? — And does he have her picture
with him even on the stage?
James R. Marshall and Edna Morn,
recent features with Flo-Flo, Maytime,
Buddies, Fiddlers Three, April Showers
and Mary, have joined in a singing and
dancing act for vaudeville called "Good-
bye Broadway," which is highly spoken
of. This gifted paid possess personalities
especially pleasing and are prime favor-
ites with theatre-goers.
* * *
Old friend Gus Schult isn't saying
much as he's too busy attending to pat-
ronage at his "Ben Hur" on City Island,
so charmingly situated and so desirable
for motorists who like a short drive and
a good meal to top it off.
W. AUGUSTUS PRATT, M. D.
Largest Establishment in the
World for Facial Corrections
40 WEST 34th STREET
Phone Knickerbocker 25
Noses Invisibly and Immediately
Broadway Brevities 45
inlerprctor of female
characters who has
brought back from Paris
the latest creations for
use in his new offering
in the fall.
46 Broadway Brevities
Mme. Helena Rubinstein, world-famous
beauty specialist, has just sailed for
Paris, and it is whispered will bring
back a number of beauty preparations to
startle her exacting clientele. Mine,
Rubinstein has been called the "artiste
of science" and everyone 'is awaiting her
return with intense curiosity. Thousands
of women in New York owe their pres-
ent youthfulness to Mmc. Rubinstein.
The old street seems to have on band
a pip of a scandal at present, if the
stories being whispered in the cafes have
any foundation in fact. "Tis to the effect
that a well-known magnate of society
and finance was not long ago pried loose
from a bundle of dough big enough to
dislocate an iceman's back. The break
on the kick-in — said to have been a half
million cold — is that the magnate was
framed for a little apartment party con-
sisting of himself and a doll, and at the
correct moment a surprise squad jammed
in and found Mr. Mag and his companion
in a Garden of Eden condition. The
story was taken to a well-known news-
paper, which consented to print it if the
plant filed a complaint. She DID. But
right at this terrible moment Mr. Mag's
attorneys hutted into the tragedy and
their negotiations with the legal light
on the other side resulted in a settlement
for just $500,000. Funny part of it is,
the Mag's lawyers are said to have sliced
off $150,000 for their own end when
closing the deal. How the story got
"out" was through the squeal of a news-
paper-woman concerned and two of the
raiding party who were double-crossed
on their share of the spoils. The attor-
ney on the "plant" end is said to be the
same one who had as his client, some
months ago, the gent who beaded the
As you can see Elra is Z'ery easy to
look at. Site is featured in Gus /Edwards'
International Revue at MURRAY'S,
and we'd think Elva would have no
trouble briny a feature anywhere.
Gilbert Boag scores again with his
"Japanese Gardens" (Castles-by-the-Sea)
at Long Beach, a revelation of Gil's
master-hand such as the famous Beach
has never before witnessed. When "Gil"
opens a place watch for the celebs, and
they arc now packing Castle's night and
day. No more delightful place exists
on the Atlantic coast-line. Cuisine, ser-
vice, appointments — all up to the Boag
WM. N. KERR
208 WEST 43rd STREET.
NEW YORK CITY
PHONE. BRYANT 2713
P. S. — This is where we
buy our make-up.
Broadway Brevities 47
RUFUS LE MAIRE
20 Beautiful Girls
"Troubles of 1922"
The COURTNEY SISTERS
The Shubert Vaudeville Circuit
Opening September 4
H^r* Apply at Our Offices
1493 Broadway— Immediately!
48 Broadzvay Brevities
Rjrty Ei#rtli St © Broadvay
S "Society Circus
7.30 P.M. and 11.30 P.M.
KJ Phone Bryant 1 622 for Reservations t^
Table d'Hote Dinner <SjE5*p> fT^ffn
No Cover Charge at Dinner. <£p>f^flo*4 !s *'^L*' £4
THIS SPACE RESERVED g
FOR ONE YEAR g
a for I
I CHAMBERLAIN BROWN 1
1 AGENCY I
5 160 WEST 45
a Phone: Bryant 9130 NEW YORK Bj
NEW YORK THEATRES
PRESENTING- KEITH VAUDEVILLE — STANDARD OFTH&
WORLD FOtZ A THIRD OF A CENTURY
THE MILLION DOLLAR, JTHE-ATIZEr-
AND PREMIER MUSIC HALL
BROADWAY and 47th STREET, NEW YORK
Those who love distinction and luxury will find the
appointments of this theatre completely to their liking.
In the bills presented there's a dash of everything
worth while in theatricals. The best that the Operatic,
Dramatic, Concert, Comedy and Vaudeville stages can
offer, blended by experts in entertainment
DAILY MATINEES, 25c, 50c, and Best Seats 75c.
EVENINGS, 25 cents. 50 cents, 75 cents, S1.00 and $1.50
E. P. ALBEE
J. J. MURDOCK
F. F. PROCTOR
B. F. KEITH
(Palace Theatre Building, New York)
B. F. KEITH EDWARD F. ALBEE
A. PAUL KEITH F. F. PROCTOR
Artists Can Book Direct by Addressing
W. DAYTON WEGEFARTH
™^»'Ql!Hltmil.ll.lillfJ!imM'U!l''«l'l l lli|l!iri!UIIIUllllUl
Palais Royal, Management